The Struggle

"I must hide for at least a year."
-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
as heard in the 2007 film
"Tchaikovsky"

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 28, 1985
Thursday

My last day of February and I had a fair sales day--but one 'humdinger' of a day...

Steffanya called me "seven" times. She gave me the bad news.
"Michael, my cousin Bill of CHICAGO told her he had cancer and that it may be terminal."
I couldn't help but feel sad. She was so upset that he had not shared this with her before. She was more than distraught. It didn't seem to affect our relationship. She made it sound as though this news was going to harm our relationship somehow.

Dale had news, too.
"Michael, I got the dirt on Dennis Reno. Sue Leith told me that Dennis claims he is married to a stewardess, has a daughter, two Mercedes and a lover who is also his twin brother that co-owns an ice cream shop with him!"
My mouth dropped a tad, realizing that it is my brother who is in partnership with him and the ice-cream shop.
"What? No way!"
I was amazed to say the least.

Over lunch I gave Dale the scoop about my brother, Tony, and his relationship with Betty Crowton. I also explained how my dad persuaded my brother to join the Air Force and how the Dennis Reno friendship was odd as I'd overheard Tony refer to Dennis as a "brother" before.
I further explained, "Tony is seeing Helen now...but I did overhear Tony on the phone one day, saying 'I can live a normal life' and I believe he was speaking to Dennis."
Dale, of course, loved and thrived on this gossip.

Dale added something out of context, "Helen, our mail clerk, always thought her Grandma was her mom--but when she died she learned her Aunt was her mom and that the Aunt...her mom...gave birth to her when she was thirteen years old! What a story!"

PHOTO: Nurse Ratched,
"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"
Dale pissed me off today. It was during my last break when he was knocking my mystery relationship with Seffanya in front of Mary McTiernan. It pissed me off. Why does he continue to discuss my business with others?
"To get it off my chest", Dale said, "I called her and learned all sorts of things about her that I couldn't believe...like her being a registered-nurse and going for a PHD."
It just pissed me off to hear his 'lah dee dah' opinion.
After my break I telephoned Steffanya and she asked to immediately be connected to Dale's telephone line. I provided her with his supervisor's line and she left a detailed voice mail message for him.

Steffanie told Dale off.
My understanding from Steffanie is that Dale said, "Michael is lying to you. Don't you understand? He almost married Paloma six weeks ago!"
I confronted Dale.
"You had no right to say that!"
"It's true," Dale stuttered. He was steamed and seething. "You know she hung up on me."

Steffanie called me again later.
"You know Michael, if Dale was man enough to lead his own life and not intrude on others he may not be such a wimp!"
It was clear she abhorred this news of Paloma. She continued to believe me--or at least wanted to believe me.
Steff and I have decided to chop Dale as a topic.

I don't think Dale and I are going to the gym tomorrow. I couldn't believe the loud scene he made in the office.
Dale yelled, "I'm glad you think it's funny."
"Look, I haven't even spoken to Steff about you downgrading her reputation," I said, lying through my teeth.
"You lie!"
Dale reminds me of my old friend, Anthony Battu, who broke my arm after pushing me during recess in the seventh grade school yard. That was when I docked my friendship with Anthony. I wasn't going to wait for a repeat of that with Dale. Dale was steamed after work. I saw him as I exited the building and said two words.
"Good night!"

I came home and went to Dad's for my leather pants. I spoke to mom several times today and told her of Dennis Reno's compulsive lying. I tried to take a nap, then went to the gym. I saw Mr. Manhattan Beach.
Mr. Manhattan Beach called me, "Newport." It was my code name for Newport Beach.
He said, "I may go to LA next weekend."
"I'd like to go there, too," I hinted.
"You ought to check out the cheap midnight flights on PSA."
He's a really nice guy, but very much a 'questionable' (?) type.

When I arrived home Marty was upstairs. I telephoned Steffanya.
"I'm going to come there tonight!"
"Sure...come over!"
She was so bluffing. We both degraded Dale Orlando's reputation. She shared more details of the lewd comments he made.
"I never wish to meet him!"
We romanced over the telephone and I chose a romantic TAROT card (the Six of Cups) as a response to the outcome of our relationship. It was a good card, seemingly joyous, fertility, harmonious, etc. It was just like the 'candlelight dinner' card that she had sent me.

Time for bed now. Tomorrow is another day. I wonder if it will be better or worse? All I know is I have no intentions of going to the gym with Dale. He'd best not murder me. He looked contemptible enough today.

While in bed, the phone rang. It was Sue, calling for Marty. It's the gal that sends Marty cards all the time.

At 11PM or so, Mr. Alias Seth (Mr. Bruce Diamond) called me.
"How are you?"
He sounded respectable enough.
"I've been thinking about you."
Hoping to make it a short phone call, I asked, "Well, do you want to meet for breakfast tomorrow morning again?"
We mutually decided against it so we could both sleep in those extra minutes. Bruce Diamond is twenty-five years old, too. He's pretty nice even if he did say, "You don't really resemble Jon-Erik Hexum. You're more of a mixture of Donny Osmond and Erik Estrada."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"After I work out tomorrow maybe we can get together for a milkshake and rap about things."
He seemed very relaxed and said, "I'll call between nine and nine-thirty to see."
I forgot to get his telephone number. I wonder about him.

"Marriage is for those who've given up the struggle."
-Quentin Crisp
as heard in the 1975 film
"The Naked Civil Servant"

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"Neato Mosquito"

"Who knows? Our paths may cross again under different circumstances."
Javier Bardem to Rebecca Hall
in the film "Vicky, Cristina Barcelona"

On Sunday, February 21, 2010 I was working in my office. Yes, I work on Sunday. I was in the middle of my Clutter Removal Project. There was another shoe box filled with cards and letters. I found four letters sent to me in 1989 from San Francisco.

I was a volunteer in San Francisco where business professionals would visit a school and spend an hour of their time with students for a THINK/WRITE program. Here is a photo of me in the classroom that I would visit at the REDDING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL at 1421 Pine Street, San Francisco, CA. I inspired these third and fourth graders to love writing.

Here are the letters I found:

Dear Mr. Armijo
Our class misses you a lot. We learned a lot from you.
Do you like your new job? And thanks for the candies. Maybe sometimes you can come and visit our class. Inside the envelope there's a picture of me. If you don't mind would you send me a picture of you. Thank You.
Your Pal,
Deanna Vi

May 8, 1989
Dear Mr. Armijo,
How are you doing? Like your new job? I really enjoyed having you in our class. Our class missed you very much, especially Samantha, Deana and I. Dr. Crowley is going to have a new partner, I hope he or she would be as nice as you are.

Things are going pretty well in our class. We are participating in a Drama Program, at the end of five months we will be putting on a play for our school. I'm really looking forward to it. We will also be having a science fair. We're going to be displaying our inventions and our ads to other classes. I'm looking forward to that too.

I hope I'll have a chance to see you again. Write back soon. Well, gotta go. Ta, Ta.
Sincerely,
Your Pal,
Jenny Mac
P.S. Hope you liked my picture and poem. Thanks for the box of chocolate. (Could I have a picture of you?)

Jenny Mac's POEM:
When I'm blue,
I think of you,
You're so cool,
That I miss you,
And that is true.

May 18, 1989
Dear Mr Armijo,
How was your trip to Hawaii? Could you send me a picture of you in Hawaii? Inside the beary envelope there is a beary present for you. I really miss you. I really enjoyed everything you taught me. I wanted to write to you because I feel bad and sad these few days and I had nothing to do. I am so excited to write to you. Well, I have nothing to say, oh yah, here is a poem.

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
You are so cute
My friends think you are too!

Ha! Ha! Ha!
I hope you like the poem.
Your Pal,
Samantha Du

April 30, 1989
Dear Mr. Armijo,
Thank you for teaching me how to write a paragraph. Thank you for coming and teaching us. I like that you gave me the postcard and ads and thank you for teaching me how to make the ad for my invention. I appreciated you coming. I hope I can see you again.
Sincerely Room 8 Student,
Steven Su
PHOTO: Steven Su


I did a FACEBOOK search and found Deanna Vi who is now twenty something. She's one of my newest FaceBook pals as of February 21, 2010.
PHOTO: Deanna Vi


Twenty-five years ago today:

February 27, 1985
Wednesday

Steffanya called me at 7AM or so. She's really "HOH" (Head Over Heels) over me. I kind of like the attention. The "mystique" of her adds something real also.

Dale Orlando gave me an update on the Dennis Reno tale--or fib or rumor.
"Michael, I am going to get a full scoop. And if I learn that Reno started this fib I'm going to let Larry know that Reno should not be allowed in our office."
"Okay, let me know what happens."

Dale did not stutter when he came to my desk with new news.
"I heard that Dennis Reno was on the same return flight to San Francisco as Tim. And Tim said that Dennis was trying to get a job with an Airline in Dallas. Dennis also told Tim that he had a wife to return to."
I replied. "What? Give me a break. That is a fib if I ever heard one. He doesn't have a wife!"

I thought about something Tony had told me and wondered if I should tell Dale about the possibility that Dennis has cancer and that he goes to Texas for therapy. Or maybe the Dennis Reno lies are a scapegoat. It doesn't really matter. I must fill Dale in on this before he starts a tizzy on Dennis. I know Dale has recurring ulcers.

Dale ran into an old chum (a gal) he knew at Security Pacific Bank while I was purchasing my BART ticket. After his talk with her Dale gave me the spiel on Sue Leith, the cute thirty-five year old gal in our office who lives in Marin County.
"Are you ready for this?"
"Yes, tell me."
"Well, Sue Leith's live-in boyfriend is named Jim. And Jim was apparently having an affair with some rich, older forty-year old woman. Jim has since accepted a new job in Denver despite all of his debts and financial difficulties. And now, today, Sue was going to have lunch with the other woman of whom Jim still fiddles with. Sue is a wreck because she's trying to get over the whole fiasco!"
"No wonder you've been talking to Sue so much. Wow."

Steffanya sent me a card (3-D) of a Pegasus. It's grand.

She wrote:
Isn't this card great! I want you to know-next to the Killer Moon Card you sent me, this is my next favorite. Well, also after the Palomino card (the first one you sent to me!). Cards are great. What do you think?

My problem with food is I love to eat, but I get so busy I forget to eat. But Tabitha does get her three square meals a day. I usually am too busy to eat. That is part of the reason why all of my social affairs have to come to a halt! I hardly have a personal life. Like tonight I'd love to go home and put my jeans on and relax--but no. I have to go and do my so-called part for the community. Then to top all of this off, fourteen miserable nights of going to Davis University to get entrance for my PHD in nursing. The worst part is you must receive 100% on the exam! I only pray I make it! Once I have my PHD I could make $40,000 a year easy. Then I could work on being rich! Wanna be rich? You can have your Ferrari and I can have my horse ranch! I know I'm crazy! Smile-

The cruise is April 20, 1985 on Saturday. The ship leaves at 8:30 (until midnight, so no jumping overboard!). So we have to plan our evening out! I hope you'll have fun.

Well my silver tongued Don Juan I had better close so that I can get this in the mail.
Love,
Steffanie

Steffanie is sweet.
"Michael, my mom said you are a fox and she's never said that about any one!"
"You mean you showed your mom my picture?"
"Yeah, and my mom's girlfriends who will be attending a wedding this Saturday all know of you and praise you now that they've seen your picture. You are known as 'Prince Michael Armijo' and well-known out in Fairfield now."
I had to laugh.

Cedric Green called me and we had a reminiscent chat about what's been going on. He is into singing opera now.
"I joined a gym and I've been getting buffed."
"Really? That's great. I've just bought some neato mosquito expensive China for four-hundred dollars and I want to have a small circle of friends dinner party. I'd like you to be one of those friends."
"Ah, Cedric, that's really nice of you!"
We made tentative arrangements to get together this Saturday at one o'clock. I am to go to Richmond and maybe bring my bike. I have to call him on that morning to confirm.

I also got a personal call from a dating service in Walnut Creek. The guy said, "My name is Chris Williams."
How do they find me? I don't know how he got my name. Maybe it was Dale because I got a call about solar energy and a free gift and I learned that Dale was the one who gave my name to that creep.

Jim Koran called me too.
"I figured you'd be home on DYNASTY night."
I laughed. "You were right."
"I'm coming to Castro Valley on March 15th. I will probably be free on the Saturday evening of March 16th and if you're back from Vegas maybe we could get together?"
"That sounds great. I want to but I'm not sure if I'll be back by then. Let me call Dale to see what time we are expected back."

When I called Dale he just kept trying to feed me negative vibes about Steffanya. He is pointedly jealous and makes it very clear that he does not care for her.
"It's my call to make the judgment as to who I want to see and do what I want to do," I exploded.

I telephoned Suzy Miller. She was surprised to hear from me. We had a short chat.
"You know, Sue, you should go to the gym with me on Thursday night."
"I'm committed to Bible study on that night."
Case closed.

"You slam a door in a man's face even before a man knocks on it."
-Paul Newman as Ben Quick
to Joann Woodward as Clara Varner
in the 1958 film
"The Long, Hot Summer"

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Hold the Onions & the Pickles

Never will I lose, though, the lovely impression it all left on my soul and it will ever lure me on to return and will not be satisfied until I am merged into that dream again. You are my inspiration.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 26, 1985
Tuesday

I have low sales points today while Dale is selling away like mad.

There are exactly three more months left until my next Birthday. WOW! The big 26!

Steffanya received the pictures I sent her. She called me immediately.
"Michael, you can have my heart on a gold platter!"
I sent her the pictures that I requested her to mail for me to Ron, Ryan, Karyn, Elizabeth and mom around the time of the Diana Ross concert.

Which reminds me of a card of this cyclist that I received from Karyn Kossoff in August last year. I was re-reading it today. She wrote:

PHOTO: Cyclist on the Karyn Kossoff card

8-11-1984
Mike-
I saw this card and it reminded me of you, so I figured I'd send it. It's Saturday and we spent last night at Ryan's house, weird evening-maybe it was the full moon?

Well I hope you enjoyed your first experience of spending a night in S.F.; on a box spring.

We've been spending pretty much time together lately & I really enjoy your company-But...these frequent "one drink" happy hours are starting to get to me!

Well I guess I'll speak to you soon--.
Ciao,
Karyn

Steffanie continued to butter me up.
"Did you know we first met on January 16, 1985 over the phone?"
"No, was it that exact day?"
"Yes. And I'm looking at your photos and you look more like Erik Estrada. I don't want you to get too deep into the clouds."
"What does that mean?"
"Oh, you know...too stuck on yourself."
I laughed.
"I also planted your watermelon in my garden today."
I let her linger on until I managed to get off of the phone. I was working!

My supervisor, Stephanie, could tell I wasn't feeling up to par lately. Maybe it is because of my lagging sales. I have been in a bit of a downer mood. Maybe it's because I am unsure if I want Paloma, Steffanya, Jim or what?

I 'accidentally' read a couple of cards that my roommate, Marty, received from a gal who seems to be head over heels over him. It seems that Marty really is having an affair with a married woman with whom he works with and just happens to be his boss. My TAROT card reading was very precise about his predicament--it seems. Eerie.

My cohort, Hank Stuart and I talked a while today.
"Are you from the East Bay?"
"Yes, Alameda," I replied.
We enjoyed more little small 'get to know each other talk'. I think he's nice. It seems he will be turning thirty-five this year. He looks like he's only in his late twenties. He's nice despite the story Dale shared with me about him. Dale had said that Hank has lived with some man for years and years and years as a sort of slave, doing an uncountable number of sexual acts. Dale claims that Hank got this job because of this man, too. I refuse to prejudge and would rather learn the detailed facts on my own.

I confronted Dale today about the Dennis Reno rumor that I had learned about from my brother, Tony.
"It's a big joke. Now how do you think this happened?"
Dale's light-bulb went on and he said, "I'll look into it."
Dale confronted Cindy Chow and got her all tense about a rumor of an affair she may or may not have had with Joshua (in our office).

Dales is ecstatic about an idea to invite San Francisco Chronicle's Bill Mandell, the columnist, to our office. I am kind of glad that he is getting me involved with his little projects. He's really fun except for when he gets to the brink of my nerves!
"You're an owl, Dale."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you keep saying 'Who? Who? Who?' all the time in order to gain insights into other's personal lives."
"I see. Well, I have a lot compiling on you...and then some is on its way. I hope."

I was pretty tired after work, so I tried a nap before going to the gym.

Steffanya telephoned. "I am so INTO you now that I've seen you."
I should be flattered but now I am actually worried as to what to expect with her appearance.
"I dress nice and have one slight fault."
"Oh, what is that?" I asked most curiously.
"It's my..."
"Yeah?"
"It's my weight."
And so, now I wonder. Will I be sorry like Dale had warned me? I am documenting what I feel.

Paloma telephoned. We ended up going to the 24-Hour Nautilus gym in San Francisco together. I drove over to pick her up and we had fun. It was funny when she was coaching me on the bench press. I almost dropped ninety pounds plus over my chest. I couldn't get it off until Paloma helped. Thanks to Paloma's laughter and my laughter we ultimately had a good work out. I worked up a sweat. Paloma had the best female body around. I saw that black geek that eyed me last Friday when I was at this gym. He works in Priority Accounts at Pac Bell. I've seen him in my office building.

PHOTO: Paloma Sanchez-Guerra, 1985

Paloma and I ate at McDonald's in Albany. I made a joke about her holding the onions and the pickles on her Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
I suggested, "Why don't you hold the meat patty from the bun?"
She added, "Or the french-fries from the fries and salt only."
We had a good evening of laughter. I just find that Paloma is beginning to have this complex about talking about bodybuilding all the time. She even thinks she's getting boring.
I said, "That may be true."
I think I blew her away when I said that.
"Why don't you take up something new?"

I think Paloma called on me tonight because I had not been calling. I guess it's true. I had not been calling because last Saturday night she had told me about some 22 year old body builder who was going to rummage through magazines with her to go over the body parts that needed more work than others. And tonight, she showed me the business card of Mike Wyjack who is the bodybuilder we ran into the night we were at Baxter's in Concord. It seems he was rated number two last year in competitive body building. Wow!

I am Paloma's protege in the body building world. I like the body building but what I like is that I am doing it for myself--because I want to--not for Paloma or to please Paloma or the Body Building Federation.

It's a game you're playing with me, part seduction, part ordeal.
-Ian McEwan
"Enduring Love"

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Whatever Lola Wants Lola Gets

"She's got a crush on you and she's too young to know how to express herself."
-Steig Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

I was in the middle of a clutter removal project while in my office a few days ago and I came across a card/letter dated June 22, 1989 with the depiction of the Georges Seurat painting of THE LIGHTHOUSE AT HONFLEUR that hangs at the National Gallery of Art in Washington DC.

The postmark on the envelope was from San Jose but the return address label was from:

Lola Bindel
1720 Pacific #22
San Francisco, CA 94109

Whatever Lola Wants Lola Gets
by Sarah Vaughn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y-zj817CRM&feature=PlayList&p=972E3543E65D0A8B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=38

Lola wrote:

6-22-89
Dear Michael,
I don't know if you have tried to call me or not but if so, I'm sorry I haven't talked to you. I wish I could have.

I enjoyed being with you that one evening, I probably won't forget it. I have never done that-it was fun. I would like to go out with you, maybe to a movie or something. I am not looking for anything serious, just a good friendship. You can call anytime. I'm usually home after 11PM--before 8:30AM. You can call me at work anytime also. My numbers are (in case you lost them) Home-928-5363, Work-885-5757. I know you have been busy. I hope your work isn't bringing you down.

Did you have fun at Great America? Wish I could have gone with you. Maybe you'll want to go again, later this summer. I would like that, or let's go for a bike ride. If you don't want to have anything to do with me, please write me and tell me so I won't bother you, O.K.?
Take Care,
Lola

And for the LIFE of me...I have no recollection of Lola.

I did a FaceBook search and there is a Lola Bindel who graduated from a Spring Valley High School in 1978. She attended a college in the Monterey Peninsula. I couldn't resist NOT sending a brief note--just to see if she remembers me now.

I moved to Los Angeles in October 1989, so I don't ever believe I answered her letter. Ooops. It reminds me of the story behind that song "Hey Eugene" by Pink Martini.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjtekYzkZD4

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 25, 1985
Monday

This morning I woke up and made it in the nick of time for my BART train. When I entered the office I saw Dale, typing a letter frantically. It was unreal. He was typing a letter of apology to me.

Apparently, he was pissed yesterday when I told him he was absolutely wrong about his predictions about Paloma's sexuality. He is much too overbearing. I cannot handle him any more. At first, I thought his typewritten letter was rather nice and apologetic. I deserved the letter because of his prying and non-stop gossip. It's just too damn much.

I received several telephone calls from Stephanie today.
"My cousin gave me a cashier's check for our outing on April 20th," she proudly announced.
That April 20th will be the Saturday night of our private party on the cruise around the Bay.
She continued. "I wanted to know what you wanted to do before the cruise."
"Well, dinner would be nice, but we can wait and see."
I am getting excited about it. There's so much anticipation built up already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDJ_Mz8ftqI

Dale spoke with me again.
"Michael, I think the journal you write is a very special thing. I am very envious."
I got the impression that he has lost a lot of friends in his past. It was like he didn't want to lose me as a friend. It was almost touching. I almost felt sorry for him. I liked one statement he made: "Some things are better off not read and some things are better off not said."

Dale and I took a walk to the post-office. I mailed the cards I had written for Steffanya. We both bought yogurt at the Health Food store. Dale eats too much though.

During our last break, Dale and I sat with Mary McTiernan and Sue Fischer from the SS-Business Service Center (formerly known as Data Marketing). Sue was spilling the beans about the stress of her boyfriend, Hank, along with other mishaps. Mary was trying to 'bad-mouth' Sue.
"Oh you should see her in her real shoes while we're in San Mateo," Mary blurted.
What did that mean?
Sue was surprised to learn that Dale was married. Sue is fun. Her expressions are enough to make me fall off of my chair. They ALL want me to bring my TAROT cards in to the office again. They all want answers to their future.

PHOTO: Dale Orlando with his wife, Dee

Steffanya is getting to the point where I get excited whenever she calls me. It sort of reminds me of the old Laurie Robertson days...only better. Steff likes my personality, too. Where will it lead? It is all beyond me.

After work I went to Dad's and played with my niece, Ashley, for a while. Tony was there and he confronted me with a silly rumor that he'd heard from Dennis Reno.
"A guy named Orlando was in trouble for dishonest sales or something and people are saying that you went to bed with him."
"What?"
I was shocked--to say the least! After hearing this so-called rumor I've decided to clean up my act "away from" Dale entirely. We were supposed to go to the 24-Hour Nautilus gym together tomorrow (after work) but I'm going to avoid his company altogether. How could this rumor have started? He must have lit the match. What lies!

I think Carl Brooks and I may go to lunch or something. And to think that Dale and I are going to Las Vegas. That may cause even more of a raucous. The more I thought about it the more I disliked the so-called rumor. I guess it bothers me so much because it's so silly.

I mentioned the rumor to Steffanya. I explained that people thought I was hanging out with Dale Orlando only because of his high sales performance.
Steffanya deduced, "It's only because they're all jealous. That is why the rumor started."

I went to the gym and I saw a girl that reminded me of Colleen Morgal (an old high-school infatuation). She flirted with me, smiled and called me "Hon".
Her last line to me: "See you later."
I about melted. Then I caught her gabbing with Bob, the guy that works there.

I casually and innocently met the blond body-builder guy that I see often. He was wearing a Manhattan T-shirt today. He spoke to me first.
"Are you riding the LifeCycle for twelve minutes?"
I am sure he saw me looking at him. He's really nice. I asked him about my milkshake treat after my workout.
He replied, "Drinking a milkshake and an OJ after a work out is okay. It's deserving."

When I got home the persistent silly rumor was bugging me. Perhaps it bugged me more because it came from my brother, Tony. Steffanya called once more and made me feel better.
"I may be taking on a job in San Francisco," Steffanya disclosed.
The subject came up of my schooling and living in Sacramento.
"I didn't know you lived in Sacramento for two years. I never knew you went to Sac State!"
"I guess it never came up before."
"I can't believe I didn't know that."
"Oh well, Sacramento wasn't exactly my favorite town."
She continued to make me smile during this telephone conversation. When we talk 'dirty' she really makes me laugh. I think I may call her again just before I 'hit the sack' or rather while I am 'in the sack'.


"It must be hard being with someone when you have to keep so many secrets."
-KYLE-XY, Season III
Episode III, 'Electric Kiss'

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Break Through

I want to live in space, in the ideal regions no longer visited--the land of dreams from which one never returns.
-Jules Verne
"Paris in the Twentieth Century"
(The Lost Novel)

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 24, 1985
Sunday

The telephone rang at 7:30AM. It was Steffanya. What nerve!
"How could you call me at this time on a Sunday?"
"I had to tell you that I have Bay cruise tickets for April 16th!"
I was still half asleep and still thinking about what Paloma had asked when she saw me talking to Daniel last night (Lara's date).

I explained to Paloma, "That Daniel guy works for Pac Bell in the IEC Marketing on Fremont Street. The crazy thing is that he wasn't invited to the party."
"Well, I think he is the Wicked Witch in Sleeping Beauty because I wasn't invited. I think he cast a spell on me."
I laughed. "That's spooky."
I did feel as though he was 'swooping on me', too. (?)

It's just as well that Steffanya had woke me early. We had a nice lengthy chat on "her" phone bill. I decided to go to mom's house after the phone call. I delivered some of my own eggs and bacon to share with my folks.

Later I went to South Shore beach to lay out. I invited Dale Orlando to come along, too. He arrived at about 1:30PM. It started to feel chilly so we went to my place. I did show and tell of my pictures from the Diana Ross concert. We followed that with a visit to my mom's house to discuss my lost house key during our outing to the beach.

Dale and I went to Bay Fair where I had two house key copies made. The only problem is that one of the keys broke and the other key only opened the front door (and NOT the sliding door). Weird!

Dale was being obnoxious after a while. When he left it was a bit of a peaceful relief.
Dale said, "My wife praised you as a friendly gent when she met you last night. She told me to be careful and not to hurt you...or do anything to harm our friendship."
"That was nice of her."
"She also said she wished Karyn Kossoff was at the office bash last night to see you with Paloma."
"Yikes, well...I'm sure she'll hear all about it one way or another."

I've decided to send picture postcards of the duplicate photos from the Diana Ross Concert to Ryan, Ron and Karyn. I will also send them to Steffanya, so she can see what I look like.

Karyn is in Florida this week. Ron and Ryan are in Mexico. I don't know why I concern myself with writing about Karyn, Ryan or Ron. I guess it is because I really do care a lot about them.

I care about Carl Brooks, too. I want to treat him to lunch one day this week because of the yogurt treat he owed me. I like him. He's a good buddy.

After Dale left my house I went to mom's for dinner. I could not get into some movie called "The Dead Zone", so I returned home. I was stunned because my roommate, Marty, was home!

Steffanya called and I told her what Dale had said to me today.
"Dale just said 'Why don't you two just meet already?'."
Dale was right. Here I was sending her a letter.
Dale remarked, "There's no point in continuing unless you know."
It was a proper statement.
I decided to be persistent. She was evading my immediate invitations to a movie or a visit to Hilltop Mall.
I asked, "Let's just go out next Saturday!"
"Well Josephine and I are going to the Holiday Inn that night."
"Great, I'll be there. You know you'll be there, so I can meet you for a drink."
Steffanya decidedly had to rush off of the phone. I could tell she was feeling trapped and used caring for Tabitha's behavior as the reason to get off the phone.

After my phone call with Steffanya I did some photo sharing with Marty. I also read his TAROT cards. I learned that he seems to have a gal who is swooping on him right now.
"Yeah, but I have no realness for her. Do you know what I mean?"
"I think so."
"Now...my supervisor at work on the other hand." Marty hesitated.
"Yeah, so what's the problem?"
"She's married." Marty explained. "But we both have feelings for each other. I can tell. I'm trying to be brave and courageous until the final break through to the end. I just don't know."
"You definitely have to wait for a break through all right."
"You know, this might make a good chapter in your book."
"Hey, yeah!"
Laughter followed.
"You name it, I've been through it all," Marty added.
Although, I wonder. Has he? Has Marty been through it all? I mean, I have a number of stories to tell. I know I still haven't been through it all (yet).

Now the movie, "Evergreen" is on starring Lesley Ann Warren. I'm going to watch it.

Steffanya called once again.
"I'm going to a male strip show with Josephine, then we will go to the Holiday Inn. I really can't talk more about it because...well, my mom is in the room."
She was obviously trying to get out of meeting me. I am so tired of her runaround games.
"I can invite you to the male strip show."
"I don't want to go," I shouted (even if I was rather curious).
"Okay, well there's something else I want to tell you."
"What now?"
"I named a colt that was born today after you per your recommendation. I named him A.J., short for 'Armijo Joe'."
"Ahh, really? You did?"
She knows how to soften me up and change the subject.

I ended up turning in after writing a card with a picture of a watermelon to Steffanie along with the 'huggable hanging coats' card. I included the pictures of me 'punked-out' from the Diana Ross concert, too.

The mind can illumine in a man and round a man a light more vivid, can open his ear to more melodious harmonies, can seat him on clouds of shining constellations and teach him to question them.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

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Kiss-Me-Quick

Far too much of the kiss-me-quick business going on.
-John Rolfe Gardiner
"Somewhere In France", a novel

I was sent a series of comments by children who had to complete an assignment by writing about the OCEAN. I loved what they wrote:

Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
--Helen, age 6

I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
--Amy, age 6

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
--Christopher, age 7

When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
Kevin, age 6

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
--Becky, age 8

On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass..
--Julie, age 7

The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.
--Bobby, age 6

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
--James, age 7

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 23, 1985
Saturday

I woke up to a phone call. It was the alias "Seth". I learned that Seth's real name is actually Bruce Diamond.
"So what are you doing tonight," Bruce asked.
"I was thinking of laying out on the beach today. And tonight I plan to go to the Galleria with Paloma."
"I want to meet this Paloma."
"Well, maybe you will."
"When?"
"Why don't I call you later and I'll see if I can get you in as a guest at the Galleria tonight?"
"Okay, call me."

I telephoned Paloma to confirm tonight.

Suzy Miller telephoned to verify our Ole's Waffle Shop breakfast outing. I suggested we do it via bike ride and she was all for it. I was feeling bad because Dale and I were to go bike riding but he never did call. I wasn't about to dwell on it. It was all tentative anyway. I will see Dale tonight.
It's funny how Dale answered my question, "What was it about Paloma that made you think she was bi?"
"Oh...because of the look in her eyes."

Suzy had me talking to her. I was turning my head looking one way by her swimming pool and I ended up getting a darker tan on one side of my face than the other. We laughed about it. We had fun at Ole's Waffle Shop, too. We had a lot of little updates to share with one another.
"I'm planning on getting a roommate soon, too."
"You should. My roommate is never there, so why not? Maybe you'll get one like that."
We continued to ride our bikes together and laid out a little more. I felt like somebody was watching me. It was likely my imagination.

I rode on to mom's house and started to watch Max Dugan Returns (some movie) but couldn't really get into it. I went home to get ready for the outing to the Galleria in The City.

I telephoned Paloma to let her know I was leaving my house now. I picked her up at around 8:15PM. We arrived at the Galleria by 9PM. There weren't a lot of people from my office. I saw quite a few from other departments. I did see Dale Orlando, Barbara Reynolds, Michelle Falls, B.J. Fife, Patty Reid, Mike Wittler, Earl Kirk, Bill Fein, and Kevin Kane. There wasn't anyone else that I knew.

Paloma and I had a good time. We did a lot of slow-dancing for a change. We also did a lot of body-building talk. By midnight we were beat tired. I was home and in my bed by 12:45AM. It was a short, but eventful night. The appetizers and pastries were good.

It's like Oscar Wilde says.
We regret only those things we didn't do.
-Christopher Bram
"Surprising Myself", a novel

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Anonymous Admirer

She's running blindly now, pursued by a nameless fear, with no goal in mind.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 22, 1985
Friday

I woke up at 7:30AM. I made it to work in San Francisco by 8:30AM! What a shock!

Carl Brooks brought me a yogurt during lunch time. That was a thoughtful gesture. What a nice guy.

Dale and I ate lunch at Natoma's and had another round of the usual office gossip. He is so informative. According to Dale, Cindy Chow is leery about my sexuality. I think she has been snooping to Dale about me. Who knows what she has overheard from the phone calls at my desk.

I received a card in the mail from Steffanya today. There was also an "Anonymous" Valentine's Day card. The copy read: "Happy Valentine's Day from a Secret Admirer...and the other days too."

I wonder if the anonymous card is from Bob Umland. Then again, I doubt it. I just don't know who it could be.

I attended the Wilkes-Bashford Fashion Show and saw Bob Umland. We talked a bit. He looked worn out. I noticed two little bumps under his eye. I figured he was just plain tired. When the show began I lost him (or maybe he ditched me).

I recognized a few of the models during the Fashion Show. They recognized me, too. Neat-O! It was probably because I talked to them like they were ordinary people the time they were in the store that one past Saturday.

I made some small talk to a few girls named Irene, Alexandra and Terry. I ate a chocolate-covered strawberry, a pastry, two Hors d'oeuvre and sipped on Champagne. I felt it was time for the EXIT door, so I left.

I went to the 24-Hour Nautilus Gym in San Francisco. It was okay. I went for a root beer milkshake at Natoma's afterward. As I was sipping my milkshake I was thinking about Dale's perception.
Dale asked, "Is Paloma bisexual?"
As I sipped my milkshake and the more I thought about it I began to wonder. Especially now that I recalled her excessive talking about Bo Derek.
Paloma gasped ecstatically, "She is so beautiful."

When I arrived home I read another note from Marty, my roommate:
'I went to Sacramento for the weekend. Jim from L.A. called you and said to go ahead with your plans to Vegas because he may not come up for another two weeks.
Later, Marty.'

I miss Jim. I don't know why.

I telephoned Steffanya and ended up waking her up.
"I just wanted to Thank You for that card you sent me."
I continued with chatter about the Fashion Show, "You really didn't miss much."
After I hung up the phone I ate some leftover Chinese Food and a milkshake. I turned on the TV for a few and then went to bed.
PHOTO: Bo Derek


When the bird has flown, the essence of its song is often mislaid, and then all we are left with is an empty cage.
-Tony Parsons
"As It Is"

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Attitudes & Adjustments

"You can be cautious but you have to let people in."
-Joan Plowright
as heard in the 2003 film,
"I Am David"

Have you begun your "Second Life"? Your current job does NOT have to be your worst job. Create your own new, exciting virtual world and see how it goes.

There was an article published in New Scientist Magazine on November 13, 2009 by Nic Fleming that spoke of one's ability to create a new, virtual world. You can do so now by going to "Second Life":
http://secondlife.com/?v=1.1

Sometimes I wonder who has time to deal with creating a new life; however, residents of "Second Life" have spent one billion hours in this digital world. Now the founder, Philip Rosedale, has plans to push the concept much further in a new virtual venture.

The populations and economies of virtual worlds are growing rapidly. How much bigger will they get? They are still in their infancy. The expectation is that we will see a web-scale usage fairly soon, meaning 1 billion people. Currently some 250,000 people use "Second Life" every day. It is expected to grow by three orders of magnitude. The total GDP of virtual worlds will catch up with real-world GDP over the next 20 to 30 years.

Yet many people are hostile to the notion of virtual worlds. A lot of human interest, activity, creativity, and ultimately money and commerce, are moving into virtual worlds. Some people find that virtual level of disruption to the way things work frightening and upsetting. So denial or being dismissive is natural.

How does spending a lot of time in virtual worlds affect people psychologically?
As an avatar it is more likely that you will do something unusual that you might have thought about but not wanted to try in the real world. So you're more likely to change your real-world life in a positive or aspirational way.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 21, 1985
Thursday

I met Seth (the guy from "The Connector") this morning at the Metro Cafe. He works for some Personnel Agency, finding people jobs. I think he 'approves' of me but the question is whether or not I approve of him. And if Seth calls me again...then what? His hair is black and it recedes a bit. He seems nice enough. He happens to know my high-school pal, Mary Halvorsen, who works at a Personnel Agency in his office building. He drives a motorcycle. While sipping our morning coffee we joked around about the 'good time' we had last night. We parted ways at precisely 8:15AM to our respective offices.

I overheard Marty at around 4:10AM this morning, taking a shower. It was kind of neat because when I heard him I knew that I had two hours of sleep left. Marty left me another note on the dining room table:
'Mike, I may go out dancing to the Oasis tonight.'

Karyn Kossoff's sister is six weeks pregnant. It looks like Karyn will be 'Auntie Karyn' in eight months or so.

Sue Fischer, the gal in Data Marketing, who wanted me around during Happy Hour last Friday while her boyfriend, Hank, was around happened to be flirting with me today. Dale always jokes around about how her panties are so 'wet and hot' for me. Dale knows how to get on my nerves, too. He likes to call me "Hal" after "Hal Gill", the guy in my section who has an attitude problem. So, when I seem to be giving Dale attitude he will say, "Okay, Hal."

I tend to tease Dale right back by stabbing him with a teaser fact that he really likes Guy Grivet (another guy in the office who has a type of superior attitude).

Sue Fischer cannot go out until after March 1st. I found out that is the date her boyfriend, Hank, goes to jail for some sort of traffic problem!

I went to Berkeley and met Chris Cordellos there for dinner. We walked and talked all around Telegraph Avenue.
"Would you believe my mom is supporting Paula and my brother, Nick?"
"Yeah, I believe it," I replied. He neglected to mention that she is supporting him, too. Haha. Hello?

We ate Chinese Food and decided to see the movie "The Falcon and The Snowman".

I arrived home at 12:15AM. I was beat tired. I am glad tomorrow is Friday. Yawn.

"How fond women are of doing dangerous things!" laughed Lord Henry.
"It is one of the qualities in them that I admire most.
A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

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Phone Sex

"What happened to the magic?"
-as heard while watching
the 1988 film
"Bagdad Cafe"


Did you ever read that book called "Vox" by Nicholson Baker? I read it when it was first published in the early 1990's.

"Vox" is the story of Jim and Abby who meet over the phone when they both dial one of those 976 party lines that are advertised in adult magazines. After some exploratory small talk, they retire to the electronic "back room" for a more intimate chat. The dialogue is expressively brilliant.

On Sep 12, 1998 the book became all the more famous when President Bill Clinton was asked, "Has Monica Lewinsky ever given you any gifts?"
Bill answered, "Her personal copy of Vox, a novel about phone sex, on March 29, 1997."

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 20, 1985
Wednesday

Dale had a scheduled day off. We have been spending a lot of time together during break time and lunch. It didn't stop him to come over in to the city to meet me for lunch on his day-off either!

I telephoned Paloma for verification of our attendance together at the Wilkes-Bashford Fashion Show.
"I forgot to tell you I made plans with a my friend, Maria, to go to the I-Beam," Paloma announced nonchalantly.
So, she is NOT going to the show with me after all! I tried NOT to sound "pissed-off". I wasn't just a bit disappointed. She is so high-fashion and I love being with her. It would have been great being together at this Fashion Show. Damn.

I decided to ask Steffanya Redding. Yes, she wants to be called "Steffanya" now.
"I'd like to go but Tabitha is sick," Steffanya answered after I explained about the show.
There was no such luck with Steffanie either.

Steffanie's cousin, Bill (the lead singer for CHICAGO) bought her a car (so she says). I heard his sensitive song while waiting in line at the Jack-In-The-Box Drive-Thru. The song "You Are The Inspiration" is really good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCJ-Yb-p6UI&feature=PlayList&p=7EB2A5C27FF039BB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32

When I returned from my gym workout I had back to back answering phone messages from Paloma, Steffanie and Chris.

I telephoned Chris Cordellos first because he does not call very often.
"Hey Mike! I had such a lively weekend with Valora."
"Who is Valora?"
"She is my new friend that I went dancing with. She's kind of semi-fat. I think she's "bi". We danced until 7AM at the Trocadero."
"Until 7AM in the morning! I would have felt like a zombie by then."
"We did."

I talked to Steffanya while watching the latest episode of DYNASTY. I think I was only half-listening to whatever she had to say.
"I've decided, Michael. I want to have your baby."
I laughed. "But you haven't even met me yet, Steffanya!"
"I know what I want."
She was being so sweet to me. I can't ignore the thoughtful calls and the newspaper clippings, etc.

Paloma made a claim.
"You are never home!"
I seemed to smooth things over and we had a nice chat, too. She has confirmed that she will go with me to the Pac Bell Galleria Party in San Francisco this coming Saturday night. We are in good terms now despite the fact that she can't go to the Fashion Show on Friday.

I did not call "The Connector"; however, I did meet Seth by phone yesterday. He ended up calling me again tonight. We have decided to meet tomorrow morning for a brief first meeting at the Metro Cafe. As we began to talk he started to ask what kind of underwear I was wearing and 'embarrassingly enough' we had a jack-off adventure over the phone. I guess this is called 'phone sex' (according to Dale).

"A promise is a promise that you never break."
-as heard while watching
the 2001 German film
"So weit die Füße tragen"
aka "As Far As My Feet Will Carry Me"

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If

Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

PHOTO: A writer near the Acropolis,
Athens, Greece; September 14, 2004
Photography by Michael J Armijo


A dear friend, Hanne Reid, of Vancouver shared a poem (by Rudyard Kipling) that was read during a memorial service for a man who died much too young. I was touched by the words and thought I would share them with you on my blog today.

The poem also made me think of that old classic song
by BREAD of the same name:
"IF"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6VsmMN13Y0

IF
by Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposter's just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 19, 1985
Tuesday

My roommate, Marty, did not come home tonight--which is okay and fine with me. It's as if I have no roommate. I should have set this up a long time ago.

I worked out at the gym to make up for my slacking off yesterday.

I watched Part III of "The Hollywood Wives". It was really quite good.

I lunched with Dale Orlando at the Dim Sum Chinese food joint. Dale gave me his code number for "The Connector" and I called the service again--just to listen to the intrigue and desires. When you call you can get random guys who will talk to you. I briefly spoke to Bill via "The Connector" of Sacramento (at 916-921-2111). I also met Seth of San Francisco via "The Connector". Seth said he is six foot two inches tall and good-looking (believe or not-to-believe?). "The Connector" line is so funny.

Dale and I discussed our Las Vegas plans a bit. We are going on March 14th, Wednesday evening.
"Michael, you say 'that came out of left field' a lot."
"Oh yeah? Well, you say 'Tell me' a lot."
"Do I?"
"You mean you never noticed? You also say the phrases 'No Biggie' and 'For Some Reason' a lot, too."
"Do I? I never knew that!"
Now I have put a complex curse upon him. He will be listening to himself from now on. I'm sure of it.

My brother, John, and Sherri are engaged to wed now. I wonder if it will be a big wedding. It's no biggie (as Dale would say) as it's as if they are already married.

I wrote a postcard to Jim Koran in Los Angeles. The card depicted a BART train and I also sent the 'brown bikini shorts' card. I hope he will "like".

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is NOT being talked about.
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

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45 Lessons Life Taught Me

"Worry is interest paid on trouble that has not happened yet."
-Meryl Streep
in the 2007 film "Dark Matter"

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
-Regina Brett, 90 Years Old
'The Plain Dealer', Cleveland, Ohio

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone or loving someone who
doesn't love you.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful..
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will
this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 18, 1985
Monday

Last night (Sunday) flew by and I was never able to finish my journal entry. I ended up meeting with Bill Helbush at Cafe San Marcos in San Francisco. I slowly sipped my usual White Russian cocktail. Bill and I talked a good while about his recent trip to Mexico (Puerto Vallarta). I guess it's 'the spot' as I remembered Ryan and Ron were going there soon.

We ate Italian food at Lucia's (?). We had a good talk there as well as a few arguments. For example, Bill accused me of being sensitive to myself, my own needs and not so sensitive to others. This was his blatant opinion. Obviously, he does not know me.
Bill said. "I believe that if you believe one way you won't change your mind or refrain from your beliefs...no matter what."
I found that to be objectionable.

Later...
"I'd like to go out with you some more," Bill suggested.
I am leery about the idea but said, "That sounds good."

The next phase of the evening was a stop over at 'Esta Noche', a kind of sleazy lookin' neighborhood Latino bar. We said our good nights between two 'Hell' bushes. He dropped me off at my car which was parked at Safeway on Market Street.

I arrived at mom and dad's house at 11:05PM. Mom and I watched a movie she had videotaped called "The Hollywood Wives". It was good, based on a Jackie Collins novel, starring Candice Bergen, Mary Crosby, Angie Dickinson, Suzanne Somers, Anthony Hopkins and Stephanie Powers. I loved it. It was so 'saucy'. I am now yearning for a visit back to Los Angeles. It was depicted in the film as the glamor city.

Today...
I awoke this morning and dropped by my brother John's house. We had a chat, then we both went to mom's. I was so proud of myself for making breakfast on my own today, too.

Mom was a sweetheart for ironing all of my clothes.

Dad was on his period (cranky). That's the way Steffanie would describe it. So I left Dad and his mood swings. I lounged at home until Dale Orland happened to call.
"Hi Mike, do you want to go bike riding?"
"Okay Dale, come over."
Dale arrived at 2PM and we played Trivial Pursuit. We followed the game with dinner at Shenanigan's Restaurant. We laughed up a storm. It was fun playing Trivial Pursuit, too. We both learned a few things.

Steffanie Redding called several times during the day. Dale and Steffanie are my interchangeable newcomer friends in my life. They're both entertaining fun. They both know how to get information out of me. I cannot wait to meet Steffanie. She makes me smile during our telephone connections.

I watched Part II of "The Hollywood Wives" with mom. When I returned to my place I had a message from Paloma. I also had a message from a guy named Hank. He is a guy who placed an ad in a paper that I picked up at the Esta Noche Latin gay bar last night. I didn't bother to return his call.

I jerked myself a soda listing to "The Connector". It's a telephone number Dale gave me where guys leave recorded messages about their hidden desires. I found it fascinating. Leave it to Dale.

Her ability to gather information was sheer magic.
If there was any dirt to be dug up, she would home in on it like a cruise missile.
-Steig Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

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The Paintbox Theory

Perhaps when people treat you as if you're a shifty character, you don't want to spoil the picture, so you kind of carry on the myth.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times Bad Times"

I learned of 'The Paintbox Theory' while reading "Good Times Bad Times", a novel, by James Kirkwood. It went like this:

When we're born, when the Big Joker in the Sky checks us out for our "enchanting" stay on earth, we're each handed a little tin paintbox and inside are a couple of brushes and all these nice little squares of red, blue and yellow water paints, the primary colors. We're supposed to come down to earth and go through life painting these lovely pictures (i.e., learning, working, loving, marriage, procreating, bringing up children, etc.).

Except when you open up your paintbox, you're just liable to find your little kit's not what it's cracked up to be. Either a brush is gone or all twisted and gnarled or some of the paint is dried and chipped or perhaps even a couple of the primary colors are missing.

Some of the paintboxes are so dented you can't even get the lid open!

Still, every one's after you from the cradle to the grave, checking and scolding if you don't please everyone by painting pretty pictures!


Twenty-five years ago today:

February 17, 1985
Sunday
Marty Louie, my roommate, telephoned.
"Hi Michael, I'll be coming over today with my brother to bring a dresser."
"Okay, that's great. I may not be here but you have the keys."
I certainly did not want to be here and have to help them carry a giant dresser up the stairs. I woke up and went bicycling at 10:30AM. I took a ride all around Alameda. It was refreshing. I have missed that feeling of a good bike ride.

I was home at 1:20PM and I had apparently just missed Marty. He left a note:
'Mike, Dale called.'

Bill Helbush happened to call as I was reading the note.
"Hey Mike, Are you doing anything tonight?"
I hesitated. "Uh...no, not really."
"Well, how about I take you out for dinner tonight?"
"Hmmm...that sounds nice. Where?"
And so, I met him in San Francisco at Cafe San Marcos. The plan was to eat at Leticio's after having a drink at Cafe San Marcos. As I was driving to 'The City' I began to wonder if there might be ulterior motives. Yikes.
"No predicaments, please," I thought while driving over the Bay Bridge.
Steffanie Redding had also telephoned me this evening.
"I just wanted you to know that I got you an ARMIJO key chain from Armijo High School."
"Oh, Thanks, but I have to run."
"Okay, but just so you know...I also wrote a nine-pager just for you."
"Really? I can't wait to read that one!"

"Reach in my desk drawer.
Have a Good and Plenty and cool off."
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times Bad Times"

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What is a Best-Friend?

I have been mostly alone. Owing to family circumstances, you see. But apart from anything else, a good book is what I like best after supper. Always has been. Just recently I read in a prospectus a quotation from some writer or other,
"A good book is the best-friend there is" and that's really true, it is so, a good book is the best-friend there is."
-Franz Kafka
"Wedding Preparations in the Country"

A best-friend could also be the one friend who is closest to you. A best-friend is a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 16, 1985
Saturday

Just think...Jim Koran is in Mexico "sunning" right now with a good book.

I woke up early and drove to Alamo for my haircut by Danny Garcia. Afterwards I went to get my oil, filter and lube job on my car. Then I made what I've decided will most likely be my last visit to the Bay Area Sperm Bank. I don't want to be a recurring donor anymore. Barbara, the lady in-charge says I will need another physical in March. I already know there is one woman in her second trimester, so I know I'll have a kid in August 1985. The what and where is to be announced...I guess.

After Danny's haircut he did treat me to lunch at the Copper Skillet.
"So, tell me about your roommate?"
"The hot and steamy feelings for him have dwindled," Danny said. "It's still fine but I am ready for a change or something new."
My mind questioned his feelings.
I thought silently, "Never satisfied."

I bought some Hallmark cards, too. I also bought my mom a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. It's still Valentine's weekend and she'll be home today.

I telephoned Chris Cordellos from Downtown Walnut Creek. He was not at home. It is just as well. I went home and went bicycling for much of the afternoon. The nap time was good afterwards.
I had a nice talk with Steffanie Redding who had news.
"I fell off while horseback riding, Michael."
"Oh no, are you okay?"
"Yes but the male horse got all excited from the female horses 'heated' aroma."
She made me laugh so hard. I wonder.
She went on to discuss her cousin, Tammy.
"Tammy tells me that she knows of some friends that met over the phone--like us--and got married six months later."
"Oh really?" I thought, "She sure talks up a storm."
"And my cousin, Bill, you know...the lead singer of CHICAGO wants us to meet on a bay cruise over San Francisco."
"That's a killer idea. I've never done that. I'm all for it."

I went to mom's for the evening and ate some sardines and toast on avocado. I watched the end of "Terms of Endearment", "Tarzan: The Legend of Greystoke" and "The Woman in Red". They were all such good entertainment. Then I went home and crashed for the night. Yawn.

Paul took letter writing seriously: he'd set aside time for it, tried to document out day-to-day lives in a journalistic way, and usually wrote three to six pages a week in beautiful flowing hand with a special fountain pen; often he included little sketches of places we'd visited or photos, or made mini-collages out of ticket stubs or newsprint.
-Julia Child
in describing her husband, Paul
"My Life In France"

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