The Chalkboard Lesson

“Why am I doomed to be rejected?
I need answers.”
-John Cusack
as heard in the 2000 film,
“High Fidelity”

While staying at the W-Hotel in San Diego recently I loved how the hotel room had a chalkboard. I had fun writing something new on the board each day and night.
I started to read ‘The Complete Stories” by Franz Kafka, so I decided to write some excerpts of his words on the chalkboard. It would be our lesson for the day. It is a good way to re-read some of his words for new found significance.

John Updike wrote that ‘Kafka and Shakespeare have this in common: their reputations rest principally on texts they never approved or proofread.’

Here is one excerpt by Kafka that I wrote on the chalkboard:

At length his eyesight begins to fail, and he does not know whether the world is really darker or whether his eyes are only deceiving him.

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 23, 1984
Thursday

Oh well…it is another day at the Training Center. It was not really so bad. Bobbie Renberger and Barbara Reynolds helped to make it so much more bearable for me.
Yesterday, Barbara had told me that the quiet hour service for our ex-tub mate, Randy Evans was between 7 o’clock and 8 o’clock. I was very glad of that fact because I knew I could make it for his memorial.

I recognized a few people from the office while at the memorial but only managed to exchange a few words with Robert Parks, Pat Overshoun and Barbara Reynolds. It is so shocking. And the realization that ‘life is so short’ makes my heart grow fonder for all of my friends and family.

Today I telephoned Chris Cordellos…or NO! He telephoned me when I arrived home.
“I had an okay time last night. I met Clay’s folks who were visiting,” Chris said.
"Whatever," I thought silently and refrained from saying aloud.
“I’ll meet you at Baxter’s in Concord between 8:30 and 9:00 if you want,” I said, figuring I would just let the recent events go.

Just before I left for Randy’s memorial service Suzy Miller called me. She wanted to invite me on an outing to MACY’s with her. I explained about the quiet service and she understood. I went on to inform her that I stopped by her apartment yesterday. She gave no reasonable explanation as to her whereabouts (not that she had to).

I drove out to Baxter’s in Concord and some chick named Diane Landers came up to me.
“Are you alone?” she asked.
“Well, I’m waiting for a friend of mine,” I replied.
“Why don’t you join me and my friends?”
I sat and talked to them. They were all pretty nice. Diane Landers is going to Sacramento State, studying Fashion Merchandising. She wants to open a shop on Rodeo Drive. She is not too together…but who knows? If she is successful one day it will be good for her. Her friends (Cathy, Carol and Joyce) were not “lookers” but they were okay to talk to for a while.

Chris Cordellos finally came in at around nine o’clock. I introduced him to the ‘geeky’ chicks. He felt uncomfortable and did not like the vibes of the place. I was relaxed and did not mind being in a ‘straight place’ at all. I went along with having a good time after only one Long Island Iced-Tea. I treated Chris to a drink. At one point he was going to leave but decided to return.

While at Baxter’s I noticed Katie Jones’ girlfriends (Karen Dagg and Myra Dini) who were with a new gal named Sharon ‘something’. Chris liked Karen but came to the conclusion that she was ‘stuck up’. He made no real effort to talk to her, so I could not understand how he could say that. I don’t know but I did see his point. I talked to her and she seemed ‘okay’. Myra thought I was about twenty-six years old. Wow…a year before my time.
“So where is Katie?” I asked.
"We can't answer for her," said one of the girls.
“She is only nineteen,” Myra blurted. So that explained a few things (like my ‘naive nineteen’ philosophy).
Chris and I finally decided to ‘blow this Popsicle stand’ while Myra and Karen were out on the dance floor with two other fellows.

Chris and I talked in my car about our relationship.
“Yeah, I met a dude named Ron at Sun Valley Mall and he came to my house,” Chris revealed, “but nothing happened.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, but Ron wanted something to happen. You know I love you,” Chris announced.
“Me too.”
“I just want to play it cool in terms of making love,” said Chris.
I understood his point to a certain extent. I could relate and I agreed with the idea of 'playing it cool' for a while. I drove him to where his car was parked.
“Oh yea, my folks invited you for brunch this Sunday!”
“That’s nice,” I said.
I was home in Alameda by one o’clock in the morning.