Determined Daddy

“I need to feel needed.
Nobody needs me now.”
-as heard while watching
the 1998 mini-series
"More Tales of the City"

I have a true-story to share. There is a 41 year old gay man I met through a mutual friend recently. We’ll just call him Joe to respect his privacy. I had actually met Joe about three or four years ago at a concert. He is a mere acquaintance. I couldn’t even tell you his surname. During the most recent meeting on August 2, 2009 the question popped up as to what was going on in his life. I was quite surprised to learn of his latest endeavor.
“Well, I’m going to be a father soon,” Joe said.

Joe has wanted to be a daddy for a longtime now. He insists that it’s an inherent ancestral trait that all men want to have children and pass on their lineage/bloodline. He grew up with two or three sisters. He discussed his decision with his sisters (and his parents) about his move forward to have children and they are relatively uncertain, but supportive.

Joe has never had intimate relations with a woman, so he decided to take the scientific method.
“Oh, there are services out there now and you can get what you want,” he said.

Joe says he found a woman who met his requirements (she happens to be a medical student). She donated her egg. He showed us a photograph of a beautiful blond woman as he described her as the ideal female specimen. That was a bit ‘too strangely scientific’ a description—if you ask me. He had apparently screened almost a hundred women before selecting this twenty-four year old woman (he also made a point of saying that this was the perfect age). Who knew there was a market for this sort of thing going on? To hear this detail was a surprise to me. It was a surprise for a single person to scientifically plan his organized family.

The medical student/egg donor was paid approximately $15,000. Through his doctor who was performing and aligning all of this artificial insemination, egg donorship and implanting a woman was also screened and selected who happens to live in Idaho. This surrogate mother was paid approximately $35,000. She (a married woman who has done this before) is about to give birth to “twins” around the end of October 2009.

Joe said, “The egg donor is of Swedish and German descent. I will explain to the children that I simply signed papers, so they don’t have a mother. I will be their family.”
I could NOT believe that he said that. I had to interject.
“You have to tell the children everything you know. And you must show them the photograph of that woman who is their biological mother. When the time is right you cannot make it sound like they were simply a science experiment!”
Joe listened with interest and understood my reasoning.

Joe has already chosen names (R & D). I’ll just call them “Research” and “Development” for humorous reasons at this point. I simply hope all works out for this single gay-father to be.

“It has cost me about $100,000 to do all of this,” Joe stated.
This could be a soap-opera beginning concept for a new generation in the 21st Century. What a wild story, huh? Ironically, I am ninety-nine percent sure that I helped influence his choice as my ‘sperm donation’ story of 1984 was shared to him a few years ago. I seem to recall about his goal to have children someday. His wish is becoming reality.

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 7, 1984
Tuesday

Some dude from New York with Puerto Rican heritage named Anthony Ramirez spoke to me in the office lounge today.
“Are you gay?” Ramirez asked.
“More straight,” I replied. And why I answered this way is beyond me. I guess I did not want him to treat me differently no matter what my sexual preference may or may not be.

Linda just barely made the 7:25AM BART train today. I gave her my business card that I bought at Merrill’s Drugstore which was imprinted ‘I LOVE WHAT JUST ONE LITTLE THOUGHT OF YOU CAN DO FOR MY DAY’.
She smiled at the card.
“My Dad may end up moving to Los Angeles,” Linda said, “he works for a company called Bechtel Engineering.”
We made arrangements to meet at the corner of Van Ness and Market Streets for lunch today.
“I’ll wait until about half past one,” I said without realizing that it would be such a walk from Folsom Street. I arrived at 1:20PM and there was no sign of her anywhere. I ended up eating alone at Zim’s thinking to myself, “That damn wench…stood up again!”

The training day was not so bad today. Bobbie, the frizzy haired lady from Marin; Joe, the gay guy with the ‘My Favorite Martian’ looks and Barbara Reynolds all make it fun.

I was hesitant about going to Barnaby’s after work for a drink to celebrate Karyn Kossoff’s birthday…but I went anyway. I was early and I dislike ‘the waiting game’. I devoured some hors d’oeurves while I waited, sipping my White Russian cocktail. I recognized Sheila come in but pretended I did not notice her.

Soon, Karyn arrived and I greeted her with a birthday kiss. She actually brought me a piece of her birthday cake. What a sweetheart!

The table was complete. By 8PM it was me, Karyn, Barry, Tom, Sheila, Laura, Jim, ‘Ron and Ryan’. I was the minority. They are all blond and I was the only brunette. I really had lots of fun. I danced a good amount. ‘Ron and Ryan’ make for an interesting couple and they are really nice. Later that evening, Ron took my broken bike pendant and gave me his business card.
“You can pick up my accomplishment of fixing your broken bike at the jewelry shop where I work,” Ron said.
“Okay, maybe I can look at some of the men’s’ rings at your store on Friday, too.”
Who knows? Maybe I will end up having a drink at Barnaby’s this Friday night once again. I like the music they play there.

“I like the way you refer to Gemini’s as dynamic people,” Ron said, “I was born on June 9, 1961.” Ron is only twenty-three and kind of immature—at times---but a very nice guy.

Ryan wants Karyn and me to go to see CHAKA KHAN at the Circle Star Theater with them on September 14th. I was so thrilled that Ryan wanted to include me. I really like these people.

“I just want to solely be a ‘Happy Man’. Do you know that song by “The Greg Khin Band” called ‘Happy Man’?” I asked Ron as we had this private conversation.
“Yes, I have heard that tune,” Ron replied.
“Well, I’ve considered mutual male love but I have never got into it and don’t know who…what or where,” I blatantly said aloud with a straight face. In other words, I played naïve.
“Just stay away from Ryan,” Ron said, “just kidding.”
“As long as he stays away from me,” I replied with a kind of an interested smile.
“Really…I am the one that should be worried,” Ron added.

‘Ron and Ryan’ left abruptly but it was strange that they left because they had invited Karyn and me over to their place earlier in the evening. Karyn called them from the BART station.
“Oh come on over,” Ron repeated.
We forfeited the BART train at 11:45PM and when we took a taxicab to Ryan’s pad his doorbell did not work. I thought I liked these people. Why weren’t they at home now? Could they have had an argument? Karyn called them once again and their answering machine came on. We left a few ‘not so nice’ messages and took a taxicab all the way back to the Fruitvale BART station (from San Francisco).

We entered my mustang and drove to my pad. Karyn really is so much fun.
“I had a nice birthday,” Karyn said giggling.
I feel that I can be very open with her. In fact, I told her something tonight that I have told no one. I told her about my donation as donor number “151” to the Bay Area Sperm Bank.
“I am sort of iffy about our relationship because of Linda and Suzy,” I confessed aloud. It’s amazing what a few drinks can do. I guess I was making excuses to tone down our relationship.

“Wait a minute, I’m confused. I’m attracted to you and I...,” Karyn started to say as a sigh followed.
The last thing I wanted was her confusion to do was lean towards the question of my homosexuality again. I believe that is why I chose to speak of Linda and Suzy.

I guess I enjoyed this night because Karyn, Ron and Ryan were all giving me attention. Everyone likes to be ‘a new attraction’ of sorts. Only time will tell.

Karyn looked at more of my pictures and then we ‘turned in’ for the night. I fell asleep quickly.