I Had No Illusions

He didn't say what was in his heart.
Michael felt that somewhere a door had been closed.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

The 'Big In Japan' video
and lyrics.
Mid-1980's Memories:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvVJ-mA8qYg

Winters city side
Crystal bits of snowflakes all around my head and in the wind
I had no illusions
That I'd ever find a glimpse of summers heatwaves in your eyes
You did what you did to me, now it's history I see
Here's my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight, it's easy when you're big in Japan

When you're big in Japan, tonight
Big in japan, be tight, big in Japan where the eastern seas so blue
Big in japan, alright, pay, then I'll sleep by your side
Things are easy when you're big in Japan, when you're big in Japan

Neon on my naked skin
Passing silhouettes of strange illuminated mannequins
Shall I stay here at the zoo
Or shall I go and change my point of view for other ugly scenes
You did what you did to me, now its history I see...
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight, it's easy when you're big in Japan


Twenty-five years ago today:

November 1, 1984
Thursday

Jim asked me this morning, "So...what are you going to do today?"
"I'll probably take you up on your suggestion and shop along Melrose Avenue and check out those boutiques and shops you were talking about."

I departed Jim's apartment with him as he left for work. I could not help but feel a bit 'in the way' of his space. It did not seem like he was too thrilled that I was there. In other words, I did not feel totally welcome.

I walked along Melrose Avenue and checked out a neat card shop and crazed video store with X-rated galore "stuff". I then drove to the 9000 block of Santa Monica Boulevard and ate lunch at a place called "The Greenery". I was feeling at a loss of what to do, so I called Robert St. Cyr, the guy I met at 'The Rage' yesterday who was from Canada.
"Yeah, I remember you. Why don't you come to my place here on Hollywood Ave and Fuller," Robert said excitedly.
"Okay," I said, feeling happy that I had a spontaneous activity for the day.

Robert St. Cyr's apartment was quaint but relatively empty. He was more than hospitable, making me a "madras" cocktail. It seems to be my popular and regular drink in these parts. After the drink, Robert and I ended up 'getting off' in his bedroom by mutually jacking off. He was sensual and aggressive. It all happened so fast! It was not an 'expected happening' as far as I was concerned.

Robert was nice. He is twenty-five years old and looks a little like a young version of actor, James Caan.

I accompanied Robert on a few errands. He had to stop at his local bank. Then "he" actually washed my sporty black Mustang for me! We cruised along here and there and "to and fro" with the convertible top down. We stopped at the 'Mother Lode' (another gay bar) and had a drink or two. He bought me an apple schnapps after he learned I had never had one.
"Yummy, I felt it through my nose!" I said laughing.
When we left 'Mother Lode' Robert asked, "Can I drive your car?"
"Okay."
Robert knew the area much better than I, so he drove to some building in Hollywood. We enjoyed five to seven hors'deurves, including .25 cent ribs! It was good and filling. On our way back Robert got pulled over by a cop for making an illegal left turn on a red light. 'Boo hoo' for him. I'm glad I was not driving. It's just as well. I learned that making left turns in Los Angeles is no fun!

I telephoned Jim Koran from Robert's home phone, leaving a message on his answering machine.
"Hi Jim, I will call you around seven o'clock."

I bid farewell to Robert and decided to just drive over to Jim's place.
When I arrived he said, "Just a minute!"
I couldn't help but feel he was trying to avoid me with his abrupt attitude and with my getting his answering machine all the time. It may be just as well.
"I'm going to stick around and watch "The Three Wishes of Billy Grier".
It was a movie about a teenager (Ralph Macchio) who must cope with a disease that causes himself to age at an astronomical rate. I stayed and watched it with him.

Before the movie started Jim was on the telephone. Personally, I don't really like it when I have company and have to chat on the phone. When he got off the phone I decided to question him openly about the comforts or discomforts of our experiences last night.
"Well, I know I don't want to start something with you because I know it will be trouble with me here and...you there," Jim reluctantly explained.

As the evening progressed I was feeling perturbed. I mean, I could see his point. I "winked" at him and we comfortably caressed and kissed during the TV commercials.

It was 10:30pm and we decided to head out to 'The Revolver'. It's Jim's choice-pick. I have a feeling I will be famous there by the time I leave this town for as often as I have been going. We met with Jim's good chum, Mark. We watched some music videos and I really liked the "Big In Japan" by Alphaville video.

We moved on to 'The Rage' where Jim met with other friends that he knew. I was politely introduced. One of the guys named Dan was friendly and I remembered him from last night.
"How do you know Dan?"
"Well, I met him with you at 'The Revolver' last night," I said, feeling as though he was testing my sincerity and promiscuity.

Jim and I left together for the Hard Rock Cafe at the Beverly Center but it was closed at midnight. We returned to his place and ate a couple of sandwiches with fresh, hot tea. While eating he made a sarcastic remark that I did not like.
"Yeah, it will be nice getting that black car out of my life."
Jim was referring to my car being parked outside. I guess he cared about the image it projected or those who may see it. I was not sure. Or maybe he was anxious for me to leave. While he said it jokingly it still meant that he at least thought it.

I started to feel like Jim was beginning to like my company after he made a remark in jest about how it would be a good idea for him to go to San Francisco for some forthcoming weekend. We ended up sleeping together. It felt hot when he 'came' on me. The strawberry cream he had handy was interesting. It tasted good. He tasted it on me, but I did not go down on him. We were able to sleep better together on this night.