I Can't Take The Stress

"You're talking about casual copulation
and it's not for me."
Colin Firth to Hart Bochner
in the 1988 film
"Apartment Zero"

"I'd like you to check my motor. It whistles"
One of 'Agent 007's' FAVORITE movie lines. Watch it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtlGFKq_HVE&feature=PlayList&p=A8B74429575409C4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=12

Twenty-five years ago today:

March 14, 1985
Thursday

The drive to Las Vegas was long. I read a lot on the way, in the dark. Both Dale and I shared the driving time so the time went reasonably fast (considering). We didn't arrive in Las Vegas until 9:30AM.

I lost mom's five dollar bill in the slot machines. I lost $5.75 immediately in the quarter slot machines. What a way to burn it.

Dale and I have created two new acronym terms:
FBL's (Fuckable)
WWATW (Wee Wee All The Way).

I have added another line to Dale's recurring phrases, too:
"I can't take the stress."

Dale and I were beat tired. We went to sleep when we first arrived but I, of course, awoke at 12 Noon. We were going to see JOAN RIVERS perform tonight but Dale wanted to fidget with a bit of the gay scene first.
I thought, "Okay, I'm game...but not for TOO MUCH!"

We were tired. After our mediocre naps we woke up and went on a wild goose chase trying to find Paradise Boulevard. We went into an explicit gay card shop, then walked about until we decided we ought to move on. We drove to a place called 'The Back Door'. I had two White Russians in very LARGE glasses.

We met "Ed" who was a real geek (NMT-Not My Type). He was an okay guy to talk to at a bar. Ed was telling us where 'not to go'.
Ed asked, "Do you guys get high?"
Dale said, "Yes."
I simultaneously said, "Sometimes." What a fibber I was.
"Well, you guys can come to my pad for some weed but I'm expecting two dykes to come by."
"Okay, we'll go," I said.
Dale and I proceeded to follow Ed.

While we were at Ed's pad we came to the quick conclusion that he was very strange. Ed shared with us about three different operations he had recently. He had one operation for a cyst, one for his tonsils and another for one of his testicles!
His apartment was okay and we shared a joint with him.
I whispered to Dale and we agreed that we'd just take his telephone number and decide whether or not we'd call him later. Of course, we wouldn't but it was a polite way to get out of there.

I was hungry. I hadn't eaten since 4:30AM near Mojave at the truck-stop called Jerry's. And Dale didn't even like that 'greasy spoon' place either.

This evening we looked and found the FRONTIER HOTEL for a special $4.95 Prime Rib dinner. It was okay 'cept for the horseradish that I thought was sour cream. Yuck!

I made a bet with Dale that Paradise Road was one particular direction and it wasn't, so I owe him breakfast tomorrow morning.

After dinner we went back to the hotel and lounged for a while until it was time to get set for JOAN RIVERS. Once we entered the beautiful Caesar's Palace Hotel we learned that Joan had canceled out on us! We quickly booked for tomorrow evening. We may also see 'CHARO' tomorrow night via a late show.

We walked and walked and walked along Las Vegas Boulevard, trying to locate Boogie's Restaurant & Dancing. We had a hard time finding the address numbers. I finally located one but needed another address number to figure out what direction we were going.
Bright Dale said, "Hey, let's ask McDonald's for their address."
It was so funny because the employees made a big scene over it. No on knew what the address number was to their own McDonald's.

We finally took a taxicab back to our Hotel because Dale was too pooped to walk back. We waited a good half hour for our crazy valet parking attendant to bring our car around. When we got the car we localed Boogie's. It was still quite a few blocks down from where we were.

We parked and walked inside to Boogie's and learned of the five dollar cover charge. We didn't think it was worth it, so we walked out. We went to another place called "Gypsy's" instead. The dancing and lighting in this place was really nice. We stayed for two madras cocktails. Dale looked tense.
"Do you want to dance?"
Gulp! There was no way that I would dance with him and feel comfortable about it.
I replied, "No."
We left after our two drinks and after reading the trivia on our napkins I could tell that Dale was hurt (I think). He was very quiet after we left "Gypsy's".

Our next stop was an Adult Book store. And Boy, was it naughty! Dale wanted to view an X-rated flick in a slimy closet.
"Ugh," I said, "I'm not going in there."
We viewed some magazines and I could tell that Dale had his eye on one certain mustached customer. We left after I complained of being tired. Yawn.

We returned to the Hotel, feeling beat tired. I thought of going to the MGM gym but the hours were from 10AM to 7PM, so I passed on the idea until morning. I tried to sleep but Dale was snoring and snoring and snoring!

I decided to slip out of the room and go down to the Casino lobby to check out the scene. I saw a couple of QBL's (questionables: they could be gay types, not definite). I had an ice-water and a White Russian cocktail as I listened to some band play. I noticed how the cocktail waitresses had the littlest skirts ever! If you dropped a quarter and one of the girls bent to pick it up...Look out!

The Michelangelo statues at Caesars are so beautiful. I like this posh hotel. Tomorrow night is JOAN RIVERS night, then the Jubilee Show. It looks like we are set for seeing CHARO on Saturday night, then we'll head home. Hurrah! It's pretty fun here in 'Viva Las Vegas'.

"There was something in his face that made one trust him at once. All the candour of youth was there, as well as all youth's passionate purity."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Portrait of Dorian Gray"