Confidentially Speaking

"We women, as some one says, love with our ears, just as you men love with your eyes, if you ever love at all."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Twenty-five years ago today:

March 4, 1985
Monday

This morning my phone did not ring. Steffanie is not being as pursuant. I just wonder what is on her mind now. What is up her sleeve? Or should I ask what is up her gray coat? I mean, last Saturday night she practically wore her gray 'cover-up' coat the entire night.

I made it to work and at around ten o'clock or so Dale and I were able to conference together to write a letter to the San Francisco columnist, Bill Mandell. We invited him to visit our Pacific Bell Business Office. I wonder if he will accept the invitation. I wonder if Dale and I will really end up giving him a guided-tour of the company. Dale will be so entertaining. It ought to be fun. This Mandell guy better accept the invitation.

At lunch Dale and I sat out on Market Street. We saw Dale's brutal "ex-ex" of a couple of years ago past. Dale's stories are of such fascination. He ought to be writing the book. Oh well, he--at least--gives my mind good plot information. Some of the stories are so confusing. For instance, there is the guy he knew who got a divorce because he became (or defined himself as) gay and then his wife was bitchin' mad. A year later, the bitch announced that she was a lesbian. As it turns out Dale was caught-up in the middle because he was his 'other man' at one time!

Dale sighed. "My wife, Dee, doesn't even know a lot about what I've done in the past compared to what you now know."
I felt a need for transference and I shared with Dale about my 1985 intimate level (simple JO session) experience with Bob Umland of Wilkes-Bashford (as if that was my only experience). I know it was a bit more touching-feely on both our parts but I didn't feel a need to provide details.
Bob called me at work last Thursday or Friday. He was not at work when I returned his call. Oh well, I left a message at his home telephone number today. So we shall see.

Sue and Mary were all the more curious about my date with Steff last Saturday.
Sue pointed out something as she said, "That girl is so weird for telling Dale that you two were engaged and getting married and all!"
"Yeah, she's crazy!"
While speaking to Sue and Mary I said, "Steff was not exactly what I had expected but she is very, very nice."
Dale shrugged. "Now let me draw it out confidentially speaking. She was heavy...a BIG girl and anorexic as well, right Michael?"
"Well, yeah," I replied.

Steff telephoned Dale later that day. I guess she feels and knows there is an aura of difference where we are concerned. Dale filled me in on there conversation.
"Steff is my buddy now," Dale announced proudly, "She confronted me and apologized for the way she acted with me. She believes that you really did propose to Paloma despite your denials, just wanted you to know."

Steff called me at five minutes before five o'clock and pointedly asked, "Do you have doubts about me?"
"It's almost time for me to leave, you know."
"Well, Dale feels that is the case."
"I've got to go. I'll talk to you later."

Dale gave me two of his PREMIERE telecommunications sales. He is too, too kind but I cannot accept his charity like that. I want to show for myself what I am capable of in regard to sales.
"Thanks, Dale, I will take it this time."

Karyn Kossoff returned from her vacation getaway in Florida. She did NOT even send me a postcard. What a "wench"! She did receive the pictures I sent her of us while at the Diana Ross concert.
"I loved the pictures," Karyn said.
I was in envy of her Florida tan. "You look so good with that tan!"
She smiled that 'mystery' smile.
When I arrived home Steff immediately telephoned me.
"So tell me, did you ask Paloma to marry you?"
"Let's put it this way...we've discussed it but it's not like we're engaged."
"I see."
"And Paloma and I did go to the movies yesterday evening."
She sounded like she was pouting or almost going to cry. I knew it when there was a stutter and she said, "I better let you go."
"Why?"
"Well, I may never see you again."
I really did not understand that remark. Could it be because I canceled out on our lunch date that was scheduled on March 18th? She was upset. I could feel it. I hate to break hearts because I know that only means my turn is going to come. It all evens out in due time.

I telephoned Bruce Diamond (aka Seth) and give him the information about 560 Dewey Boulevard. He had wanted the person's name and telephone number. I found out the information at work via the office computer. We are not supposed to do that but I figured, "Hell, George Orwell...it's past 1984. It's 1985!"

I called my Dad. I stopped by to see him for a split-second before I headed over to the 24-Hour Nautilus gym in San Leandro.

The gym was all rearranged. I wore my Woody Wood Pecker T-shirt. No one made a comment. What an "un-cartoonie" crowd! Oh well, I worked out and got the usual check-him-out stares. It's beyond my comprehension to figure out the mind games people play at that place--not to mention the locker-room staring!

I bought a new shampoo called FINESSE for my after work out showers. It's great getting a new shampoo. It was funny when I got paged via the intercom at the gym. I thought it might be Steff. It was Dale returning my urgent call. I had called him after I received the overwhelming, heart stabbing-type phone call from Steff.

After my workout I craved Hawaiian Punch, milk and oranges. It's nice to have money to buy groceries. I hate when the green stuff runs out.

I have to bring my TAROT Cards to work tomorrow. Joe, Margaret, Mary, Dolores and Sue are persistently asking if I've brought them in.

I may wear my business casual-looking leather pants to work tomorrow. We'll see.

"Study the past and understand that all the answers are written in front of you."
-KYLE-XY, Season II