"Good Times Bad Times", a novel
Twenty-five years ago today
April 19, 1985
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A card/letter from Steffanya dated “1985”:
Dear Mike,
Go ahead and laugh at me, but this card reminded me of Paloma and you. Don’t be upset with me please. It’s just that even though I’m divorced I still believe marriages are for-ever. And it is hard for me to face the fact that people can be so careless of their mate’s feelings. And people do it daily. Please if you do marry—don’t be insensitive to one another’s feelings. See one thing I’ve noticed about me since my divorce and having started dating, if someone shows too much interest I flee and fast. I don’t even look back twice. The worst part is I know what my dream man is like and the type of man—I need—but “unfortunately” they are not one in the same. But don’t fret Paloma will appear again. And when you feel like you’re bummed out because you miss her, think of your favorite times the two of you shared together.Smile…You’ve an adorable smile.
Today after holding Janna (the 7 month old baby girl), I really missed having a baby around the house. So on my lunch tomorrow I’m going to check out the options opened to me for having a new baby. You’re the only person I’ve ever told this to! But when I told you my ex pushed me down the stairs pregnant—I didn’t lose one child. I lost my set of twin sons. I wanted to die when the Dr. told me. I still wonder around October (month I lost them) what they would be like. And to this day I still do not know how I was transported to the hospital. But it’s all in the past. Don’t feel sorry for my sons or I—I’m over the hurt--and I figure God just removed my sons from a hell on earth. And Tabitha is safe with me. So probably Monday I’ll know what my chances are of conceiving twins again are—Well sorry to bore you.
Friends, Steff.
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Dale brought me a pink rose and a golden rose from his garden for my desk.
“Can I get your permission to give the pink rose to Margaret Lai because she was so sweet and consoling yesterday regarding ‘The Paloma Predicament’?”
Dale replied, “Of course!”
I think that’s what I will refer to it as: ‘The Paloma Predicament’ because that’s exactly what it is. Paloma is in her home country of France, wanting to be here and willing to marry me in order to return. I don’t feel honest love in our relationship yet. So I have denied the idea of our marriage at this time.
It is exciting to begin a new journal. I love this one. I bought it at the Michael Bruno leather goods store on Market Street in San Francisco (near Castro Street).
Dale went on a premise visit this morning. I missed his presence.
Mary McTiernan shared our break time together at 10AM. We recollected last night’s event in Foster City. She reaffirmed my decision NOT to marry Paloma. I am glad I confided in her about it.
“Ryan brought in a black and white nude picture of himself for me to see,” Dale said.
“No way.”
“Yes. And it was taken about four years ago for BLUEBOY magazine, a male-to-male porno magazine.”
“What did you say?”
“Well, I was a little embarrassed at first, seeing him in this new light-but he wanted to show it to me. He just didn’t want it scattered throughout the office.”
“That’s understandable.”
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll try and sneak it by your desk to show you.”
“Whatever.”
Dale did not succeed.
When Dale and I returned from lunch Ryan bumped into us.
Ryan said to me, “We should get together this weekend.”
I said, “Okay,” feeling a little surprised at the suggestion.
I later learned that Dale mentioned to Ryan what I had told him a few weeks earlier.
I had previously said, “Ryan doesn’t invite me to outings.”
That’s why Ryan sort of casually did it today. That’s nice. When I think of Ryan I regretfully recall his ex (Ron Shelly) and the brief encounter we shared in my car a month ago.
“It is part of my past,” I say.
Dale says, “I’d never have sex with Ryan because he’s too susceptible and promiscuous. His catching the famed disease of AIDS would not be a surprise-but it would be a hardship for us since we like his friendly personality so much.”
“That’s true.”
Cindy Chow surprisingly came up behind me a few times today to massage my shoulders.
She said, “You always smell so good.”
That was sweet of her. “Why thanks.”
I love compliments. I think those little ‘warm fuzzies’ are what makes every person’s day go on happily.
It was a very non-busy work day. I felt quite helpful to several customers today.
Margaret Lai wanted to get together tonight at the Balboa Café on Union Street in San Francisco at around 10PM. I don’t think I’ll really want to go but I’ll call her when I come from the gym to see how we both are feeling.
On my last break I talked Jeannie (the gal in the cafeteria) into making me a strawberry milkshake with fresh vanilla ice-cream.
Mary, Dale and I were talking about Sue Fisher behind her back now that she’s sick. Mary was telling us of her silly attempt to try and arrange new telephone service for a GTE (General Telephone) customer.
Dale wanted me to drive up to ‘The Pitts’ (Pittsburg) at his house.
“It’s a possibility,” I replied.
When I arrived home I had a message from Marty Louie: ‘Frank Vasconcellos called for you.’
I didn’t bother to return the call. I just took a nap and then Dale woke me at 7PM.
“Michael, I’m on the way to the hospital. Dee may be having the baby!”
“Wow. Let me know what happens!”
After Dale woke me I got up and headed for the gym. I saw Bob, the trainer, doing aerobics. He has such defined body tone. I am so envious. I don’t think I’m so bad in comparison to a lot of my peers at that gym. Tonight’s workout was torture. It was really tiring and difficult because I had been without (the gym) since Monday! I can’t continue to spoil my commitment with the gym now that I’m beginning to feel some real improvement in my body. It will be fascinating to see my body-building development come January 18, 1986 when I have been at this activity for a full year.
After my gym shower and the observatory QBL’s (Questionable) hanging-out and eyeing me. I left.
When I got home I finished what little cranberry juice I had left in the refrigerator. When I called Margaret Lai she was sleeping.
“I don’t feel like going out,” Margaret said.
It worked out. I discussed ‘The Paloma Predicament’ with her again and she reaffirmed my decision at this late hour.
I called Dale Orlando but there was no answer. I left a message on his recorder, requesting an update as to whether the baby was delivered.
I wrote Paloma a lengthy letter and a postcard. I wrote Dale & Dee Orlando a prefatory “having your baby” card, too.
I wrote Jim Koran, explaining ‘The Paloma Predicament’.
As I was drifting off to sleep Dale returned my phone call.
“You leave funny messages on the recorder.”
“I’m glad you laughed. So what happened?”
“Dee hasn’t had the baby. She’s asleep now.
In 1984 I became an Uncle for the first time. Now, in 1985 I will be a Godfather. What’s in store for 1986?
Dale and I agreed that Mary McTiernan sides with the company that she’s with. It’s true. We know her way too well.
When I got off the phone with Dale I got off myself, brushed my teeth vigorously and went downstairs to update this journal while watching Friday Night Videos. I saw a “CHICAGO” music video. I began to think about how I will be backstage at their concert next Friday. I’ll be partying with the group members after the show (maybe). I can’t wait. It should prove for a new kind of evening for me.
I still have a dinner date tomorrow night in Fairfield with Steffanya Redding. Then there’s a meeting with Jean-Pierre, the so-called impressive modeling agent that Steff raves about. Who knows…if/when I make the cover of a major magazine I will thank her fondly. With Steff as my agent/manager I may get somewhere. I don’t know.
Steff says, “You have an appointment on May 11th for a photo shoot at the Grimme Agency in San Francisco!”
It’s scary if it’s true. Why do I always question her? I guess it’s because it’s all so unbelievable sometimes.
When I telephoned mom today she made me laughed because they said they put a brunette wig on Ashley (an old one that my mom had). They cracked up because it looked so funny. John brought his camera the next day. Ashley started to cry because Dad, John and Mom started to laugh again. Poor Ashley. I can’t wait until Sunday when we all go to Sausalito via the ferry. It should be fun.
I wish I had the patience to make the time to write as complete an entry in my journal as I have for today. Good night for now.
And though no one had spoken, there had been a moment.
Sometimes moments are much more telling, much more memorable than an exchange of words or even an argument.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times Bad Times", a novel
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