-Razor's Edge (1947 Film)
Twenty five years ago today:
April 8, 1985
Monday
By now I knew I was not going to Los Angeles. I just plain got the impression from Jim that he was not so anxious for me to go. He gave me a flimsy excuse later.
On Monday morning I mailed a few bills that needed to be paid and watched I LOVE LUCY. It was funny because the episode entailed Lucy stealing John Wayne’s block of cement footprints at the Grauman’s Chinese Theater. Neither Jim nor I could believe it was the John Wayne episode because we had been talking of ‘The Duke’ just the other day. I was born the same day as John Wayne (May 26th). We saw a big poster of John Wayne in Sausalito yesterday, too. I ought to go back and buy it.
Jim finally got his full head of hair blow dried. We continued our adventure in my car to San Francisco again. We both wore our new “Sausalito Beach Club” sweatshirts and 501 jeans. We looked like “spiffy” twins (or more like two fellas who worked or were members of the Sausalito Beach Club).
We went to the Haight-Ashbury area and looked for a breakfast place. We found “Mommy Fortune’s” and chose to eat there. It was a quaint run of the mill kind of place. I was reading an article on Aries and Gemini and could relate it well to Steffanya and Dale (because they are both the astrological sign of Aries). Barbara Reynolds is an Aries, too—now that I think about it.
After Jim and I had breakfast we scouted all of the stores in the Haight-Ashbury vicinity. It was fun as we saw an old-fashioned telephone that reminded me of the exact one we saw in Sausalito for one-hundred dollars. It was only seventy-five dollars at this store. I bought a six-dollar Bloomingdales reject shirt at the Aardvark Odd Ark Vintage Clothing store. I also bought a thirty-six dollar pair of pants with suspenders to go with it along with a Pierre (Paris) beret. The beret was only six-dollars (not bad). Jim wanted to buy the phone but didn’t.
We went to the Castro area of The City a bit later and looked through some of the shops around there. I bought a new wallet at the Michael Bruno’s store (as did Jim). We had ice-cream and met a nice redheaded girl from France who worked there, scooping the ice-cream. He took a photograph of her along with a separate photo of a girl wearing a hard hat (who worked for PG&E).
While we walked along the Castro I ran into Guy Grivet (from my Pac Bell office) and his pal (Rick—I believe is his name). Dale and I despise him. I didn’t bother to talk to him but I’m sure he saw me.
Jim and I took more neat pictures. I liked the one with me in front of “Hunky Hamburgers” and the one of us together in front of “Does Your Mother Know….”.
After combing the Castro and viewing a few PBL’s (Possible gay-types) we were off to Union Square. I parked at the Embarcadero Center and we walked to Union Square from there. We really didn’t feel like rummaging through department stores, so we left after a little browsing. Jim seemed rather impressed by Neiman-Marcus and the grand entrance and ceiling. After the brief Financial District tour we headed back to my pad in Alameda. We lounged, gabbed and reminisced about the last few days.
We then took a walk to the swimming pool Islandia Home Recreation Center. We stopped to visit Sherri and Ashley, too. We watched a bit of Dr. Ruth’s sexual advice show on Pay TV. We played with Ashley. Jim and I took Ashley via her stroller to the Ice-Cream Dock at Harbor Bay Landing. It was a nice walk and a fun day. I love Ashley so much—as if she were my very own daughter. I’m going to spoil her rotten.
Jim and I returned Ashley and then went back to my pad when Marty, my roommate appeared. As soon as he appeared he disappeared upstairs. Jim and I discussed ideas of going to Berkeley tonight OR visiting with Steve and his wife, at HORATIO’s in the San Leandro Marina or RED ROBIN at Bay Fair Shopping Center. We set up the outing at RED ROBIN.
I telephoned Dale to wish him a ‘Happy Birthday’.
“So how was your day?”
“Pretty good actually,” Dale said with a stutter.
“Well, I decided to not go to L.A. after all.”
“I told Mary her nickname.”
“What nickname?”
“You know ‘Tootsie’.”
I laughed, remembering that I had told him she looked like ‘Tootsie’ with her new haircut.
“She loves her nickname and Sue is jealous and wants a nickname of her own, too.”
“That’s funny.”
"Oh...and Sue and Mary have been asking me questions about Paloma. I just wanted you to know."
"That's interesting."
I received a postcard of PARIS from Paloma today, too. Jim Koran read the card. "That was nice," Jim said.
Jim was quiet during a few instances during the day. I had a feeling. I realized that Jim is “NMT” (Not My Type” and probably more “FBL” (Fuckable) and I don’t want either of us to be hurt through our relationship. I think Jim has gained a lot more insight of me from this visit together. He likes me more and I like him less. His hair is too long and he’s too tall and thin.
Once again I have Paloma on my mind ‘too much of the time’. I think Jim wonders and I surprised him when I took notice of a gal with tight yellow pants in the Castro area today. I think he notices my attraction for some women. He made a comment about my wearing the “Sausalito Beach Club” T-shirt again and how I might run into that French Girl. Did he mean Paloma or the French girl at that ice-cream place called Copenhagen’s?
I drove to the RED ROBIN. Jim was silent during the drive.
“So, tell me…what’s on your mind,” I asked Jim.
“I’d rather not discuss it now—but I will tell you.”
That statement really made me confused with wonder.
Our night cap was quaint. Jim and his dentist friend, Steve, and his wife are okay. I like Steve. Not only did they grow up together but they attended Arizona State University together. We shared potato skins and I had a Bailey’s Irish Cream milkshake.
When Jim and I returned to Alameda we had a talk.
Jim said, “I want you to know that I like you very much.”
“Me too,” I said, realizing he was not suggesting that I come to L.A. even though he knew I was on vacation all of this week. I kind of wanted my own space. I didn’t know if I’d feel good about going to L.A. anyway.
Jim continued, “I didn’t mention the idea of you coming to L.A. because of my being here and having such a good time and now having to leave. And then I’d have to deal with handling you in L.A. and you having to leave.”
“I see what you mean…but maybe I can move to L.A. one day.”
“That would be great if you moved to L.A.”
“Well, if I did move I’d have to move for ‘me’ and not anyone else. The idea of knowing you are there would be a big plus though.”
It wasn’t a great talk. It was an awkward, we’re not meant for one another talk because we didn’t want to consider each other as fuck-buddies. That’s the last thing I want. In fact, I’m not sure I want much more from him intimately. I felt guilty afterward…just not great. And his body is ‘so-so’. Now that I’ve been working out since January 18th, I think my standards are higher. I do love Jim’s humanitarian and caring ways. We both know our distance factor is a negative. In a way I believe he is glad that we have this distance apart (otherwise he would’ve pressured me to come to L.A.). He clearly has a separate life of friends and acquaintances in L.A that does NOT include me. His forecasted plans for the week would have found me to be a nuisance (at the very least). That’s the way I see it.
Jim and I had quite an elaborate session before sleeping. His oral skills and ear-tongue technique was a first (and all too erogenous).
"I would rather do nothing and be HAPPY than do something I don't love."
-What Happens In Vegas (2008 Film)
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