The Predicament

What have I been dreaming about during these long empty mornings if not about being free someday from this meaningless grind, this deadly race against time?
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Twenty-five years ago today:

April 14, 1985
Sunday

I awoke this morning with the realization that Marty Louie, my roommate, did not come home last night. It’s no “biggee”.

I made my bed and put in a load of clothes in the washing machine. I prepared myself for a Sunday bike ride to mom’s house to deliver Ashley’s hand-me-downs that Steff gave me.

Just before I was about to leave I received a surprise phone call from Paloma in France! She told me tidbits of what happened. I am to call her tomorrow morning. It seems she’s not in Los Angeles for three weeks like Steffanya seemed to insist. She was only in L.A. for only two hours and was deported back to France.
Paloma said, “I sent you some stuff from L.A. and I’m not sure what I wrote because I was in such a tizzy. There’s no penalty period for me to stay in France—but if I come back to the US the only way is through marriage---if you want to. I have sent you the forms.”
I am to call her tomorrow. I am very excited an ecstatic—but I am also leery and unsure all at the same time. Is that possible? I mean—we had discussed marriage last January but never in this sort of predicament. How and when this can be arranged only time will tell. And whether or not I will be married to Paloma before the end of 1985 may come true—like Steffanya predicted yesterday over the phone. Who knows?

I went to Mom’s house with this heavy load of information on my mind. I mentioned it to mom confidentially over breakfast. I don’t know where it will lead. I shouldn’t say that…I kind of know.

I called Sheri to let her know about the hand-me-down clothes for Ashley.
Sherri replied, “Okay, I’ll be at the Islandia Pool.”
“Well, I’ll meet you there then.”
Sherri was with her girlfriend, Anna. We fidgeted in the pool and stuff. My tan was admired. I shared with Sherri about the Paloma predicament.
“I think you’ll end up marrying her,” Sherri said.
“I think I just may do that. It’s just doing it amongst these circumstances that kind of gets to me.”

The Paloma predicament will be on my mind for the next few days. Tomorrow’s phone call with Paloma should prove interesting.

After laying out with Sherri, Anna and Heidi by the Islandia Swimming Pool I began to dwell on Sherri’s idea of going camping this summer (with John, Sherri, Tony, Helen, me and Paloma). It sounds like an idea…but will it come true? Can I be satisfied with just my Rosy Palm and her five sisters or could Paloma be an asset. Yes, she could. I so much want to tell her about my bisexuality. I want so much to hear of her bisexuality because I am almost too sure of it.

Mom said, “Sherri’s friend, Anna, made some comment about liking you—but she has a boyfriend.”

Dale said, “It’s not good to get married under these types of circumstances and pressures.”
“I tend to agree with you—but time will tell.”
After laying out I went to mom’s and then for a bike ride along the beach and Harbor Bay to ‘think things out’. The beach was jam-packed because of the nice 83 degree weather.

I went for a walk to my house with mom and then we took my convertible to the post-office to buy some stamps. I stayed with mom, falling asleep while watching an episode of ‘Young & the Restless’. We also watched a TV movie about arson starring Gary Coleman and Cicely Tyson.

When I arrived home at my pad Marty was upstairs doing ‘heaven knows what’. I folded a load of clothes that were in the dryer. Then I received a phone call from Mr. Advice and Counsel (Dale Orlando). I explained to Dale about Paloma and the possibility of our getting married, my leery and unsure feelings to the commitment. I further explained that my yearning desire is to actually make the move with her.
“She is quite the catch to many a men. I would be so lucky if the matter became a true one,” I said to Dale.

On this very day, April 14, 1985: Paloma was writing me two postcards and a letter in PARIS.
She wrote:

Paris, 14 Avril 1985

Dear Michael,
First you gonna have to excuse my English; it is getting worse every day. Sorry I didn’t write you some more but I thought I would be back last Thursday. I’m sure you know by now that I won’t be back for a while that hasn’t been too pleasant, but I took a chance and lost…

It is kind of difficult to explain some things in a letter; I am waiting for you to call me so I can tell you what happened. I hope you will really soon, way before you get this letter. I couldn’t call you from L.A. I just stayed at the airport two hours. I had to take the first plane back to Paris.

…..Let me tell you who is envious now. The weather is still pretty bad over here. I am losing my tan. I have not worked out for about nine days, I feel pretty bad. I’ve been too busy, before that I used to go every day. A friend of mine owns a gym here in Paris, as a matter of fact. I could have entered a contest the Thursday I left. I went to one about two weeks ago, that was pretty weak compared to the States. I’m going to try to start my workout seriously tomorrow again but it’s gonna be harder than in California because I’m looking for a job. I’m probably gonna be working all day very soon, my gym closes at about 9 and it’s in a terrible neighborhood. Pigalles. I’m sure you’ve heard about it. That’s where all the prostitutes hang out. Nice!

Michael, I really hope you still want to get married. I was serious before but I know now for sure that I want to do it as fast as possible. I sent you a paper from L.A. I don’t know exactly what it is. I didn’t have enough time to read it but I’m sure you do now. I really hope you are going to call me tomorrow. I need to talk to you really bad. I don’t think I will be there for your birthday. I’m very sad. Remember I wanted to take you to Beni-Hana.

Well, I’m going to finish this letter now. I want to send it fast--.

I can’t wait to see you again. I’m trying not to think about all the fun things we did together. That’s too depressing. I would even love to be back on that cage Ferris wheel, that tells you-.
I miss you and love you very much.
Paloma
Write me what you are doing—Hope you are faithful!

I feel such extraordinary agitation when I see her, and such deep sadness when I see her no more, that in any other man what I feel would be called LOVE.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"