"Make no mistake...your relationships are the heaviest components in your life."-George Clooney
"Up In The Air" (2009)
It was ten years ago today (January 24, 2000) that I lost my mother, Virginia Marie Armijo. She passed away so unexpectedly and it is one event that I will never forget in my life. I have come to terms with the fact that no words can really express how much I miss and love her. I have such wonderful memories though. It really is hard to believe that it has been ten years since the day she passed away.
I remember the first couple of years I would wake from dreams where she would be 'in them' and would feel so much alive. Then I would truly wake and learn that I could not call her to tell her about the dream.
It was back in September 1994 that I took my mother on a trip to New York City for her 59th Birthday (September 6). I remember telling her, "Hey, you'll be 59 1/2 soon, so you can withdraw from your IRA without a penalty." That line seems like such nonsense now.
We did the usual sights as it was my mom's first trip to the Big City. We ventured into Central Park and enjoyed a pretzel with mustard. We took the ferry to Liberty Island for the formality of seeing the Statue of Liberty up-close and personal.
PHOTO: A Photo my mother took of me on the ferry to
see the Statue of Liberty, September 1994
We went to ZABAR's for bagels and coffee. We went to the top of the Empire State Building. We stopped in to the PLAZA HOTEL to pretend we were staying there. We stayed in the Tower Suites at the New York Hilton. We visited the Vietnam Memorial wall and found a PVT. ERMILO T ARMIJO listed as being in the US ARMY from the State of NM. We ventured over to Wall Street.
I saw a car with a VIRGINIA TECH sticker and had mom stand next to it just because her name is 'Virginia'. That was funny. I wish we could laugh again like we did during those days.
I remember taking turns with photos at random NYNEX phone booths next to the ads as one of us would pretend we were making phone calls. I remember shopping, eating at Bloomingdales and the Galleries Lafayette department store that was there at the time. We even found our choice pick townhouses in the Upper East Side and took photos of one another on the porch. We even enjoyed the MISS SAIGON musical together On-Broadway.
Today I dedicate this special song to her from that show that we loved so much:
THE LAST NIGHT OF THE WORLD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9Cx3v8Vom4&feature=related
After learning the news of my mothers' passing a flight was scheduled to fly to OAKLAND the next morning. I could not sleep a wink. I woke up at 3:55AM and dated a new journal January 25, 2000 and wrote...and wrote. I still have that journal and plan to post it here on my BLOG one day.
A few months later I was in London, England at the BROWN'S HOTEL with Alan. It was Alan's birthday, April 1, 2000 and I awoke at 4AM and wrote the following:
Dear Mom,
It's time. It's been a little over 2 1/2 months now since you passed away on January 24, 2000. So, what a better place than London to continue my communication with you. I know how much you loved London when you traveled here 'all by yourself' to stay in Knightsbridge at the flat that Gloria and Jack Cohen leased. It was a little after Princess Diana passed away that you were here.
I awoke at 3AM here at the BROWN's HOTEL in the MayFair Picadilly area. I was thinking about our last conversation at around 8PM on January 24, 2000.
"You sound a little nasal. Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.
Do you remember when I asked you that? You seemed to hesitate a moment...but then, you reassured me that you were fine. I sensed that you may have been keeping something from me. I knew you had a follow-up doctor appointment on February 1st, so I did not pursue the topic. However, now, when I look back I think you knew something was wrong. You, yourself, were not sure of the seriousness. I am positive of that. Isn't that correct? You wanted to live. I know you did because you managed to call 911. Well, it happened. Due to the mysterious and powerful source of the unknown you ultimately reunited with Dad. Now, I must accept this and adjust accordingly. It's hard, mom! It is because I miss you so much. I miss our daily talks that we used to have. Sometimes we'd call each other 2, 3 or 4 times a day. You were and will always be my best-friend. You have been my strongest bond since the day I was born on May 26, 1959.
Brussels Belgium Airport, Noon,
April 1, 2000
Dear Mom,
I'm almost finished reading the book I bought you called "Baby, It's You". You know, the one about the silly story of the twin redheads. I'm on the epilogue so I'll be finished soon. I've been reading it during my air time. You're right, the book is good.
You probably remember that I told you Alan and I were traveling to Firenze, Italy to see Lauren during her NYU semester there. To think...I was with you in Firenze, in October 1999. I'll have the photo of us by the Arno River enlarged and framed.
Alan is in line waiting to get a HERTZ rent-a-car. Coincidentally, the music playing here at the airport is the main tune from the movie "GHOST". I watched that film about two weeks or so after you passed away. Is this song a sign from you? The tune says, "I need your love..." I do, mom. I need your love--but LOVE NEVER DIES--so I know I have your love. The question is HOW do I live without you? I was reminded by MaryAnn Gehling (Dad's 1st cousin on his Garcia side) that LOVE NEVER DIES. Love is Forever. That's very comforting to me.
Mother's Day is celebrated in LONDON tomorrow, April 2nd. It was tough to see all of those Mother's Day reminder signs all over LONDON. In May, I plan to still buy you a Mother's Day card when it is celebrated in the USA. I still need you at significant times. I will keep writing to you as long as I have to.
I also read "ONE TRUE THING". that's the other book I bought you that you also really liked. I am glad I read it. Reading things you've read brings me closer to you during those many minutes that I couldn't be with you while you were living.
I enjoyed watching one of your taped videos recently also. It was "The Doris Duke Story", starring Lauren Bacall. It was very well done. Alan and I watched it but we didn't like the way the main butler and her adopted daughter treated her. Alas, such is life. It's full of ups and downs, isn't it? Doris Duke seemed to have more down days in the movie. I hope one day they do a film showing the positive days of her life. I am sure she had many "up" days, too.
Mom, I miss you. You know that. You knew I would.
I e-mailed MaryAnn that being in LONDON makes me think of how I'd travel and see things or experience things and tell you about them by telephone, postcard or letter. I know we did a lot together but I always felt we had more time. It's like I used to tell you, "You never know when it's your turn. I could go before you."
A part of me is happy that I survived you. I know you would have been devastated if I had passed away before you. I suppose it's logic that a parent would pass away before a child. Although, when it happens..."WHAM & OUCH!"
8PM, April 1, 2000
Amsterdam, The Amstel Inercontinental Hotel
I wish I could have brought you to Amsterdam, mom. You could be laughing at me right now because you can probably see the entire universe wherever you are.
I saw a sculpture at the Van Gogh Museum today of a nine year old girl. It was a bust of her head and her name was MARIE (as in VIRGINIA MARIE--your name). When these things happen I feel like you're giving me a message. Perhaps you are. I like the idea of knowing you are. I also like knowing that fifty-percent of me is YOU!
Alan and I are going to dinner at the HOTEL restaurant downstairs that has a gorgeous view of the Canal. My eyes will see for you if you should be blinking while I'm away.
Twenty-five years ago today:
January 24, 1985
Thursday
What a breeze of a day! No supervisors were around because of some business meeting.
At lunchtime I went to the Metro Cafe after buying a BART ticket. I got quite a few double-takes. "Hmmm? Are my working out attributes showing up in a physical sort-of-way yet?"
Stephanie Redding, the gal who is a receptionist out in Fairfield, CA at some business complex called me again today. She calls me rather regularly now. I gave her my home address and telephone number.
Carol Brooks walked with me to the BART station. I had typing on my mind. I have to type out the skits we have planned for our Corporate Meeting on Monday at the SHERATON PALACE HOTEL.
I drove my car to Dad's where my typewriter happens to be stored in my old closet. I typed the 'skit stuff' after eating a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. My Dad was teaching Ashley to make yelling noises via Armijo "Ah Ah Ah" style.
Sherri arrived and invited me to watch "West Side Story" with her. That was nice.
After I finished my typing duties I went home and was all flabbergasted with excitement over a card from Jim Koran. He wrote about friends who tend to 'peter out' and who tend to 'peter in' through thick and thin. Great! Funny! He makes my day with his choice of words. What a friend.
Stephanie Redding telephoned me from Suisun, CA. Her daughter is named Tabitha. Tabitha sounds cute.
"Did you name her after Samantha Evans daughter in that TV show, BEWITCHED?"
Stephanie laughed and said, "I'll send you a photo of her."
Time will tell. I cannot believe I'm meeting a customer this way. Did she just like my voice? Stephanie's co-worker, Janine, is a senior who attends ARMIJO HIGH SCHOOL in Fairfield, CA. She sounds nice, too. I shall wait and see.
I telephoned Paloma today and it is pretty definite that we will be going to work out together at the gym on Saturday. David Vigil 'out of the blue' tells me there's a 24-Hour Nautilus Gym in San Leandro that I could join.
"I can get you a deal," David said.
"Now you tell me."
When I spoke to Sherri on the telephone and learned that "West Side Story" is such a long flick I told her, "I'll just go over another time."
Frank Vasconcellos telephoned only to say, "You sound lonely. You sound like you need someone."
"I suppose I do...but I do have my friends," I said as I thought of Chris in Concord last Saturday, Jim's card today, Bob's visit on Tuesday, my new gym membership and my just plain keeping busy.
Frank continued, "I went to the skating rink near MACY's and met a humdinger of a guy. He is nineteen and we're going out tomorrow night.
Feeling as tired as I do I notice it is 9:30PM now and I am ready to go to bed.
I left three messages total for Bob Umland and still no return calls yet. Giving up on him is an idea that has crossed my mind many times before now.
I did take the time to write out and send Jim Koran the "If Life Were A Cafeteria, You'd Be The Dessert" card. He will surely laugh at that one.
That's what mother always said. Maybe every thing's not so hard, maybe life is so much easier than I thought, you just need courage, you just need to have a sense of yourself, then you'll discover your hidden resources.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"
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