Bliss

Her flippancy and irreverence put him off completely. She called it ‘taking the wind out of the sails’, and she did it intentionally when she thought he was getting too far above ground.
-Nial Kent
“The Divided Path”

It is funny how things find you. I was at a boutique clothing store back in 2005 on La Brea Avenue in Los Angeles and noticed a set of compact discs for sale. There was a CD called “QUIET LETTERS, U.S. Edition” by Bliss. I was attracted to it. It was a spontaneous purchase.

I still write letters as I listen to this album play sometimes. I recently gave the CD as a gift to a REIKI practitioner (a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing). She incorporated it into her sessions and recently told me she felt a ‘connection’ with me as the music played. I so LOVE that!

Listen to this sample cut called “Kissing” from the “QUIET LETTERS” album by Clicking on the link below. Her voice is so beautiful.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=kissing%2C+bliss&docid=990309646373&mid=B47F77685BAFFF435E71B47F77685BAFFF435E71&FORM=VIVR2#

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 31, 1984
Friday

This was one memorable day.

Training dragged on. I can’t see how the entire training sessions will be over by next Friday. I am on vacation the following week! I thank the stars for the day when I can say training is over.

Barbara Reynolds and I ate at the Chinese food joint at the Galleria. The guy who served our food was extremely friendly. I complemented his polite serving tactics.
“I used to be a chef,” he said.
I was then a little bit surprised when he asked, “Do you have plans for the weekend?”
“Oh, I may be going to the Monterey, Carmel area,” I answered back.
“I am going up near Auburn in Sacramento,” he said.

Bobbie left our training classes early to pick up a friend at the airport who was visiting from Texas for the weekend. She sort of invited me to drive up to Russian River. I was tempted. Too bad she could not come for a drink with me after work. I enjoy her conversation.

I decided on a Happy Hour drink anyway. It was Friday and I went to Barnaby’s and had three beers during the first hour and two Long Island Iced-Teas thereafter. That was more than enough!

OW (Overweight) Elizabeth from the Business Office was there.
She said, “You dress so GQ.”
“I'll take that as a complement. Thanks, Liz.”

Karyn Kossoff was also there at Barnaby’s with Tom, Elizabeth, Eileen and myself. Karyn came to an understanding about our relationship: we are friends. I confused her more when I kissed her. She got all tense and wouldn’t allow any more kisses. She’s at a ‘fast pace’ and I guess I am taking things real slow…too slow for her. She wants sex ‘right off’. I know!

Eileen met and introduced us to two guys named Wayne and Paul Adamson who were vacationing from England. They were really nice tourist types. At least Paul was. He was twenty-three, born July 25, 1961 and said he owned his own construction business. Paul has three sisters, including one who is only twenty-one, that he believed I would be interested in dating.
“I’ve always wanted to go to England,” I said as I began to find his accent too cool.
“I’ll put you up in England when you go there,” Paul said.
So I made it definite.
“Okay, I will go next year, for sure.”
I also invited Paul to go with me tomorrow to Carmel and Monterey because I want to go and Chris has not called. Chris is being his usual irresponsible self. It reminds me of a time when my former friend, George Jones, faltered. I found others to occupy my time.

I was talking to Barbara Reynolds today at lunchtime about seriously setting up a people file with pictures and profiles on each. It could be just like the movie “The Year of Living Dangerously”. I never thought too seriously about it—but now---I can review my journal and it would be great to have files on the people I have met over time. I may as well start it now. I need to format a ‘General Characteristics” & “Information Form”. I am excited about the notion of this new 'private people' file idea.

Karyn and I took BART from The City together.
“One day I will seduce you,” Karyn said.
I am leery about her now. It seems like she is starting to sound like Nici Maurino. Karyn hinted about coming with me tonight but I made no specific invitation.

I went to moms’ to pick up a package. I ordered a geometric patterned sweater from the Bachrach Men’s catalog. It had arrived.

When I was finally home I hit the sack just before midnight.

Read More

The Early Dairy Days

“When I’m unable to accept you as you are, I’ll let you know.”
-Nial Kent
“The Divided Path”
Milk and dairy products were not always a part of the human diet. It is believed that the sour forms of milk (cheese, yogurt, etc.) had made a major difference in the life of the early Neolithic man. These dairy products provided all-season, high quality food that sustained man when the growing ‘in the fields’ season was over. Man could no longer collect leaves, berries in the cold winter months when game was scarce. Today, we have the option of avoiding dairy products as much as possible.

The first known goats were domesticated around 7000 B.C. in Iran, and cattle a little later, around 6000 B.C. in Greece. It is not certain when humans first started milking their domesticated animals. One of the earliest milking scenes in existence today, which shows a goat being milked, is on an Elamite seal from 2500 B.C.

It is all relative but human beings need to reconsider their intake of too much dairy.

Here is an interesting factoid that I found recently:

There is the question of whether milk, in its fresh form, is a suitable food either for adults or, in large quantities, for children. The reason for this doubt lies in the belief that milk protein requires too many pancreatic enzymes for digestion, and therefore places a heavy demand on a possibly already overworked system. Further, milk is thought to be mucus-forming, and there are also the problems arising from lactose intolerance and allergies. Many peoples, such as the Chinese and the Maoris, traditionally do not use dairy products, and still maintain themselves in good health.
—Source: The People’s Alamanac on “The History of Dairy Products”

It just goes to show you. Once again one must remember to practice ‘most everything’ in moderation.

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 30, 1984
Thursday

I am so glad it is Friday tomorrow. I completed my role plays. I feel I did exceptionally well. I still know I will be critiqued to the max for something or another tomorrow. Yuck! Good thing there is a three-day weekend ahead.

Barbara Reynolds, Bobbie Renbarger and I went to the Emporium basement for macaroni and potato salad. These two are so sweet. I love them.

After work I came home to change and then went over to see mom. She was there with Janet Lewis (Sherri’s mom), Ashley and Dad. Tony was just about to leave. I remained there and enjoyed some fresh corn on the cob while watching a bit of television with mom and Ashley.

Before long I was back at my home, calling Mrs. Cordellos.
“I still haven’t heard from Chris. I am sure he is still in Sonoma. He has a lot of pals from school there you know, so they probably kidnapped him,” Mrs. Cordellos said with a bit of a laugh.
It kind of gets me down because he doesn’t even call me. I wonder.

I am ready to call Bobbie Renbarger again because we had such a good talk yesterday. She opened my eyes to seriously consider ‘flaking off’ Pacific Bell and consider my very own business. I do want and yearn it. It is the connections and funds that hinder me. I need to make a list if I really want a specialty clothing store for men and greeting cards galore. I think that would be an enjoyable business. I would love to have really unique clothing that catches the eye.

Bobbie’s not at home, so I could not discuss any ideas. I left a message on her recorder. Bobbie thought the shiny gray slacks I wore today looked like the ones Rob Lowe wore on “Oxford Blues”.
That was when I told her, “Next time I’ll wear jeans, a black t-shirt and shades to really depict him from that movie.”
She laughed. And I am laughing right now because that is what I am wearing this very minute: 501 jeans with a black t-shirt.

Read More

I'll Be There

“We only have NOW.”
-Susan Sarandon as ‘Doris Duke’
In the 2007 film,
“Bernard & Doris”

51 Years Ago Today:

On this day (August 29th) in 1958, the pop star, Michael Jackson, was born in Gary, Indiana. He would be fifty-one years old today.

22 Years Ago Today:

PHOTO: Joe Nelson Armijo,
circa 1956
b. Aug. 8, 1935, d. Aug. 29, 1987

On this day (August 29th) in 1987, Joe Nelson Armijo (my father) died of heart failure at the age of fifty-two. He would be seventy-four years old today.
And so, I thought I would play this “I’ll Be There” song for both of them on this date. This video clip was done in 1970 on The Jim Nabors Show (my Dad loved the humor of Jim Nabors aka “Gomer Pyle”). I can still ‘to this day’ see my Dad laughing at episodes of ‘Gomer Pyle’ when Gomer would say, “Well, golly Sargeant Carter…”
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=i'll+be+there&docid=1113710133801&mid=5B148EAAA904EA5C92715B148EAAA904EA5C9271&FORM=VIVR4#

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 29, 1984
Wednesday

Another day of role plays at work. I was ahead of everyone but I bet I will have to do something over again. Ugh! Who gives a hoot?

At about 3PM this afternoon I telephoned Mrs. Cordellos as she had suggested.
“I haven’t spoken to Chris,” she revealed softly.
Such is life.
“I was wondering what the situation was since I thought we were going to Carmel or Monterey this Saturday,” I said to Mrs. Cordellos.
She still had no answers.
What a “creep” I thought.

Bobbi Renbarger and I escaped to the Alexandria Theater and she paid my way to see “Oxford Blues”. She’s too cool. We escaped to England with Rob Lowe as the star of this flick. It was a ‘bloody’ good film. We enjoyed it.

Afterwards, we went to her little pad in The City. It had basic décor and I found it to be cozy and nice. She’s really very neat and creative. We had a glass and a half of wine and then went over to Café San Marcos. Surprisingly, I had been there once before with Jim Hartman (the married man with two kids that I had met at the San Leandro gay skating rink last year). It is the place that Frank Vasconcellos is always talking about, too. It has a really nice upstairs and ritzy décor. There is no dancing here. It’s just a ‘singles joint’ and very much “gay”—at that! I had a split-second notion that Bobbi might be a lesbian. Who knows? We enjoyed soup and bread together.

Then I headed for the BART station. I arrived home at about 10:45PM on this Wednesday night.

Read More

Facebook Fatigue

“I’m tired of possibilities I need something real.”
-as heard while watching
KYLE-XY, Season I

On Tuesday, August 25, 2009 there was an article in the 'Health and Wellness' section of the Wall Street Journal by Elizabeth Bernstein titled ‘How Facebook Ruins Friendships’. I found it rather amusing in this day and age where Facebook seems to be the social interaction place of choice for most people I know.

If you CLICK on the link below you may read the article in detail. I just found it a tad negative about the site. I agree that we should do every thing in 'moderation'. Never let a website rule your entire world...after all. You will miss out on seeing a lot.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142.html

She writes about how people who update their status with lines like
‘having a busy Monday’ or
‘took 30 minutes to brush my teeth’ or
‘anyone know a good restaurant in Berlin’ are really things she would NOT care about. I beg to differ on her opinion. If it is a friend of yours these mini-status updates allow us to have a peek into what is going on in each others’ lives when we normally would not.

I often encourage everyone I know to use Facebook for their own particular needs. It can be designed in such a way that you use Facebook for your links to family, friends and/or business associates.

She writes ‘like many people, I’m experiencing Facebook Fatigue’. Granted, I do feel that Facebook Fatigue at times but it doesn’t mean I will delete my account and close the gap on this cyber social networking site. I enjoy it. I love it. It’s a place to interact with my friends in Denmark, Vancouver, Florida, Spain or wherever they may be ‘all in one place’.

I do agree that Facebook has made people more sedentary. This is NOT good. We do need to get up and walk, stretch and get the blood flow going. I certainly do not make a habit of looking up every update and posting. Who can do that? It’s next to impossible. Some of the games (like building a Farm or the Mafia Wars) are definitely not for me. I could finish a short jog or read a chapter of my book during the time I spend on those nonsense games.

The article was amusing in parts but I still say ‘do what is right for you’. I like sharing my photos and giving people itty bitty tidbits every day or so. It keeps me connected. Simply make it what you want it to be for you. That’s the beauty of it.

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 28, 1984
Tuesday

I had a somewhat better day today. I did that one case role play over again. When I did the second case I talked them out of a repeat on that one. What a relief. The training is a real pressure shit right now. I look forward to when it is all over. Thank God my vacation is starting soon.

I did not ride my bike this evening because of the low leak. I was going to wash my car but ended up just washing the windshield. It will make me feel like it’s all washed. I washed my clothes…one or two loads worth anyway.

I read a lot of my latest ESQUIRE magazine. I called mom after my coffee ice-cream and Mr. Goodbar snack.

I received a phone call from Cedric Green, asking if my vacation was changed. His inquiry was based on whether or not we could go to Hawaii together. I don’t want to go with him. That’s for sure.

I made my share of phone calls tonight. Barbara Reynolds told me that David Vigil had told her to tell me to call him. So I did call him. After some smalltime words he said, “I may go to Barnaby’s on Friday night.”

I telephoned Sue Miller and bid her farewell. She leaves for Arkansas to visit her father tomorrow night.

I telephoned Michael Miller, too, but he was not at home. He leaves for Belgium on Saturday.

I telephoned Helen Wong and followed that up with a phone call to her sister, Geneva. I had to bid congratulations on her newborn daughter, Nicole.

I telephoned Bobbie Renbarger and we will probably go to see a movie tomorrow after work. I want to see “Oxford Blues” starring that Rob Lowe guy. We may see that one.

I telephoned Chris Cordellos.
“He went to Sonoma today to visit his brother-in-law, to have his car checked-out,” said Mrs. Cordellos.
“Oh, he did.”
“Yes, why don’t you give me a call tomorrow and I will find out if he will be coming by tomorrow.”

I also telephoned Karyn Kossoff.
“I’ll call you right back, I’m on another call, ok?” Karyn asked.
“Okay, sure,” I replied as I realized that I don’t take TOP priority over “other” calls. I simply wanted to explain to her about my mom going into the hospital last Friday. I know she did not know why I played a ‘no show’ at Barnaby’s last Friday night. Second thought, I do not need to give her excuses. She is a nice friend though…so I will.

Karyn called me back just as I was beginning to doze off for the night.
“You should have seen some of the pictures that were taken at that ‘Section E’ party in San Bruno. It was pretty funny,” Karyn said with her ‘Pebbles’ giggle.
I wonder about the photos now. She said there was one shot of Karyn and I and Bob carrying a drenched towel right as we were getting out of the hot tub.

Read More

District 9 vs. District B13

“My favorite thing is to go where I’ve never been.”
-Diane Arbus
Influential 20th Century
American Photographer
b. March 14, 1923, d. July 26, 1971

What is it about the word “district”? In the English Dictionary it is defined as (noun) a region marked off for administrative or other purposes or (verb)to regulate housing in certain areas of towns.

Earlier this month I went out to see a film called District 9 that was produced by the renowned director, Peter Jackson and actually directed by Neill Blomkamp (who was born in South Africa).

The movie, DISTRICT 9, was a very imaginative science-fiction type film that was quite amazing to see. It leaves the viewer open to a sequel in three years. I give it FOUR stars. It is a cross between other films like Blackhawk Down, E.T., Hurt Locker and I-Robot in a mock documentary-drama style. I simply do not think I can ever eat another prawn again (after watching the story).

The DISTRICT 9 movie was actually inspired by historical events that took place in District Six, an inner-city residential area in Cape Town in South Africa under apartheid. In 1966, District 6 was declared a "whites only" area by the apartheid government and for the next several decades, 60,000 people were forcibly removed and relocated to Cape Flats. It only cost 30 million dollars to produce the film. Ouch! Yet, it made 37 million dollars on the opening weekend. Lucky!

I happened to notice a French film on my Netflix list about a week later called DISTRICT B13. I thought it might be a French version of the same story, so I wanted to watch it as soon as possible. This film was nothing like District 9 but it sure had all the elements of action and thrill rides. If you want to be on ‘the edge of your seat’ for one evening then watch DISTRICT B13. District 13 is the English language release title of the 2004 French action film, Banlieue 13, directed by Pierre Morel, and written and produced by Luc Besson. It was also released in North America as District B13.

The DISTRICT B13 movie centers on Paris in 2010 where social problems like violence, drugs and organized crime have overrun the poor suburb areas. The two lead characters Cyril Raffaelli (Captain Damien Tomaso) and David Belle (Leito) are so fit and exciting to watch.

Cyril plays the tough undercover police officer who believes in law and government while David Belle plays an acrobatic ghetto-dweller who fights the gangs and feels cheated by the system.

The sequel, District B13 Ultimatum, will reprise the roles with Cyril and David once again. The sequel has promised to be just as action-packed a film as the first. It was released in France in February 2009 and the DVD/Bluray was released in France last week (on August 19, 2009). I look forward to watching the sequel.

Both District 9 & B13 films are highly recommended by me if you would like to test your adventure ride endurance. You will definitely 'go where you've never been'. If you were strapped to a heart monitor while watching you would surely see your frequency changes go wild ‘every now and then’. It is a good way to lose a couple of pounds (just don’t have two Snickers bars or Reese's Butter Cups while you’re watching them).


Twenty-five years ago today:

August 27, 1984
Monday

I had a fair day at work.

Lunch was enjoyable with Barbara Reynolds and Joe at the Galleria ‘Chinese’ place. It was as delicious as it could be.

We did more stupid role play cases at work. I have to repeat one tomorrow morning. It has me bummed out. I shall comply. I just cannot wait until the damn ‘practice cases’ and training days come to a final end. I will be on vacation at that time.

After work I came home and I received my $3300 bill from VISA. Shit! Thank God I don’t use those credit cards anymore. I will catch up to my ‘discretionary income’ soon.

I went bicycling and my rear tire now has a low leak. As if my day had not been SHOT already! I went over to visit mom and we walked slowly around the hallways of the Alameda Hospital. Mom will be released tomorrow or Wednesday. Hurrah!
“John and Sherri are having problems,” mom said.
“Really, why,” I asked, “What happened?”
“John told Sherri to move out and it’s a sad story because Ashley is in the middle of it.”
“Well, only time will tell with that. You never know, so don’t worry about it.”

I was going to invite Sherri over for a trip to Nations Burgers but she wasn’t home. Instead, I drove to Nations alone. I enjoyed a cheeseburger, fries and shake.

I did not feel I had enough cycling in today. I need to have my bike tune-up and that low leak fixed. I think I will just exercise these forthcoming nights to QUAKE radio tunes versus the cycling. It is always good to tone up and stretch. It will be my new way for a change of pace.

Karyn Kossoff never called me to find out why I did not show up at Barnaby’s last Friday night. I am beginning to wonder why.

I always wonder why Chris Cordellos did not call. That’s nothing new. I told him if he did not call I would only assume he went to Sonoma. And so, I guess he hit ‘the boonies’ (the small hick town of Sonoma). I love to visit there but ‘to live’ is another story.

Now I want to sleep. I want to have a good dream about the damn role play I have to repeat tomorrow morning.

Speaking of outright anger (as mentioned yesterday) it is really frustrating because I know I want to do well. I believe they know I am doing well but they only want me to polish it up. Anything and everything in life could use some ‘polishing’ (especially after aging usage and built-up dust).

Read More

The Last Chalkboard Lesson

"Bonds we make through other people can help us through any setback."
-as heard while watching
KYLE-XY, Season I

On the last day of my stay at the W Hotel in San Diego I wrote a final excerpt of words by Franz Kafka on the chalkboard. This time I chose to write the following thought-provoking words:

“We are like tree trunks in the snow. They lie there apparently flat on the ground and it looks as though one could push them away with a slight kick. But no, one can’t for they are firmly stuck to the ground.”


PHOTO: Snow Falling
by Karen Kouhi Mellor,
Winnipeg, Canada

It is coincidental because while in San Diego Alan and I met with our dear friend (of family), Kate Gatlin, who attends San Diego State University (SDSU). I learned the following just ‘today’ about Franz Kafka and his tie-in with San Diego State:

There is a Kafka Project based at San Diego State University, which began in 1998 as the official international search for Kafka's last writings. Consisting of 20 notebooks and 35 letters to Kafka's last companion, Dora Diamant (later, Dymant-Lask), this missing literary treasure was confiscated from her by the Gestapo in Berlin 1933.

The Kafka Project's four-month search of government archives in Berlin in 1998 uncovered the confiscation order and other significant documents. In 2003, the Kafka Project discovered three original Kafka letters, written in 1923. Building on the search conducted by Max Brod and Klaus Wagenbach in the mid-1950s, the Kafka Project at SDSU has an advisory committee of international scholars and researchers, and is calling for volunteers who want to help solve a literary mystery.

PHOTO: August 19, 2009, San Diego
Left to Right: Michael J Armijo, Kate Gatlin, Alan Freiman

I wonder if the cards, letters and postcards I have written all over the world will somehow be collected in two-hundred years and made into a giant collection by the 'Armijo University' of a future world. If you want me to send you a significant 'Armijo' card/letter, please send me your postal mailing address. That’s a cool ‘I wonder if’ as I imagine someone out there trying to collect my words in the centuries ahead. I better start writing more like Kafka now....long sentences and 'thought-provoking' lines. It is what I love to do.

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 26, 1984
Sunday

I woke up at 8AM and rode my bike (after my short visit to mom at the Alameda Hospital). Mom seemed to be doing just fine. I bicycled around Bay Farm Island until about 1PM when Chris Cordellos finally made his appearance.

Chris looked ready to go out to the Black Flag concert with his black striped pants and thick black belt. He looked good. And the ‘black tank top’ I gave him only helped fashionable matters.
We went to the Harbor Bay Landing Deli and then on to Lake Chabot where we ate on a bench in a serene, quiet area. If it were not for the insistent ‘yellow jacket bees’ we would have had a much better time.

Chris kind of ‘teed me off’ with some of his words but I chose to control myself. Maybe he kind of wants to see me get mad. I seem NEVER able to show outright anger. I choose not to do that (why hurt my internal organs?). Chris was walking way ahead of me and would not stop to wait for me. So, I stopped and hung out alone under a shady tree to collect my thoughts as I simply looked on at the beautiful lake.

I decided to go home and just not speak to him. What is it called? The silent treatment is the name, right? Chris’ body was with me but his mind and spirit were not. Perhaps his mind and spirits were with Clay, looking forward to tonight’s concert venture.
When I got into my car he was waiting.
“I got stung by a bee,” Chris said in hopes that I would laugh or show concern.
I didn’t even comment.

I gave in a little and went to Macy’s at Bay Fair Shopping Center. We followed that brief stop at my place where I made homemade coffee milkshakes. We decided to lay down for an afternoon movie when suddenly Chris says, “I’m sorry about my actions this morning when you tried to touch me.”
It’s true. I had forgotten I touched him gently at one point and he pulled away. After making this comment he came over to me and touched me. We proceeded to go upstairs to my bedroom. We napped closely together and then ‘one thing led to another’. I still wanted to nap a bit but Chris was getting prepared to see Clay at 5PM.

Chris and I talked for a while (before he left at 4:30PM). It seemed to be a fairly good talk. Then I decided to take a nap but I chose to pleasure myself before I did.

When I woke up at 6PM I telephoned mom to see how she was feeling. I watched ‘The Hot Rock’, starring Robert Redford. At about a quarter to eight the telephone rang. It was Bruce!

Coincidentally, Bruce explained that his own mother was admitted to the hospital on Friday also. Then, the doorbell rang. To my utter surprise, it was Chris Cordellos once again!

I don't know why but it was a great feeling to see him return. He did not tell me about it and I did not want to talk about it either. He mentioned only a few tidbits.
“Clay is going to the concert. We drove into The City and I’m not going. I am just glad that I know you because you are the only one who never really bums me out…that bad,” Chris explained.
I think I made a half smile.

Chris wanted to go out dancing but I did NOT want to go to some weird bar. We were going to go to ‘The Red Robin’ at Bay Fair Shopping Center when we detoured to Kentucky Fried Chicken. After the nibble we went to ‘The Spoiled Brat’, a weird bar in Hayward, CA. We did not stay there for very long as we were back at my place by 10:45PM. Chris drove himself back to Concord.
“I’ll probably just watch ‘Oxford Blues’ tonight,” I said as we gave affectionate goodbyes.
“I’ll probably see you before the weekend when we go to Monterey and more,” Chris suggested with a smile.

At 11PM I made an impromptu move with a phone call to Bill Helbush who also lives in Concord. I was thinking about what ‘good fun’ he was and I told him so.
He was happy to hear from me.

Read More

The Chalkboard Lesson III

Michael was afraid to move or breathe, but he allowed the curves of his body to melt into his best-friend, and they lay like spoons in a case.
-Nial Kent
“The Divided Path”

Kafka often made extensive use of a trait special to the German language allowing for long sentences that sometimes can span an entire page. Kafka's sentences then deliver an unexpected impact just before the full stop—that being the finalizing meaning and focus. This is achieved due to the construction of certain sentences in German which require that the verb be positioned at the end of the sentence. Such constructions cannot be duplicated in English, so it is up to the translator to provide the reader with the same effect found in the original text.

I am thankful I am not reading Kafka's original words that were written in German. The Complete Stories edition I have is entirely in English.

The second morning at the W-Hotel I wrote these thought provoking Kafka words from his unfinished book ‘Description of a Struggle’. It was the third 'Chalkboard Lesson':

I couldn’t afford to do much thinking
for I had to go on swimming to prevent myself from sinking too low.


Twenty-five years ago today:

August 25, 1984
Saturday

I woke up at 8:30 this morning. I woke up and ‘smelled the coffee’. I went straight to the Alameda Hospital to see mom. She felt a painful plastered feeling on her side. She looked pretty well, considering the realization that she had surgery. I was glad the worst was over. I left the hospital at 9:30AM or so because she was dozing off.

When I arrived home I was going to bike but I decided to go ahead and call Chris Cordellos.
“He hasn’t come home all night. I will give him the message that you called,” said Mrs. Cordellos.

Elisa Berney suddenly called me after I hung up the phone.
“I am taking Stephanie to the circus,” Elisa said. She went on to suggest I accompany her to the circus. She also invited me to dinner and a VCR flick for tonight. She was being extraordinarily thoughtful. I began to wonder if Bunny (her sister) had mentioned that we had bumped into one another. Maybe Elisa called so I wouldn’t feel ‘burned’ about that lunch date we were supposed to arrange some time ago.
“How about if I call you at four o’clock or so to let you know about the circus,” I answered.
I ended up not calling her because Suzy called thereafter and invited me to go to Carmel-by-the-Sea. It just sounded much more appealing. I agreed to go to Carmel but wondered what had ever happened to Chris.

I rode my bike to Suzy’s place and then we went in her new Celica to Carmel. She wanted to return some shoes at the Lloyds Shoe Store there. We had such a good time. We took a new route through winding roads via Watsonville and Gilroy. We listened to old tunes and new tunes on the radio during the scenic journey. We departed Alameda at noon and arrived in Carmel by 2PM. We saw a lot of Ferrari, Porsche, and Mercedes-Benz sports cars. I even noticed a gorgeous Aston-Martin, of course. There were Jaguars, too.

PHOTO: 1984-Sue Miller, Carmel, CA

We found a cute little place for Swedish pancakes and walked through the Downtown. We got a lot of ‘double-takes’ between the two of us. Suzy kept saying that they think we’re ‘Donny & Marie’. I laughed.
After the long extensive walkabout I decided to buy a new pair of shoes. Suzy and I decided to venture over to Monterey. Some lady took our picture with the neat scenic background of the boats at port. We saw big seals or sea lions. I took special notice of ‘Mike’s Seafood Restaurant’. I saw a cute monkey and two twin dogs, too.

PHOTO: 1984-Michael J Armijo, Monterey, CA

I was happy that Sue did not buy a $100 blouse or a $360 blouse. I wanted the white ultra-suede coat for $330…but let’s be serious! The prices were outrageous. We still had a good time. I saw a beautiful yellow Jaguar that I liked in Monterey (Yikes, maybe one day).

We left Monterey at 6PM and arrived in Alameda by 8PM. Then I rode my bike home from Sue’s apartment.

I immediately called my mom.
“Oh, I’ve been dozing off and on all day,” said Mom, “and Tony, Dad, John, Sherri and Ashley came to visit. Ashley’s hair is growing.”
I knew mom was coming back to her regular self after hearing those words.

Cedric Green called a few minutes later to apologize about the fact that I was not able to leave last night when I wanted.
“Oh, it’s okay,” I said, realizing how kind of a gesture it was for him to say this.
I was touched.

I gave Chris Cordellos a call and listened to him explain how his friend, Clay, had been slipped some ‘angel dust’ and went psychotic, yelling crazy things all night long.
“Elliot and I tried to calm him down and we almost had to take him to the hospital,” Chris said in an out-of-breath sort of way.
He did not take him to the hospital, but he went on to say that he and Clay went to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco today. It sounded as though he had a good time.
“I came over to your house and was going to wait for you but I decided to go on only a dollar of gas because I had no idea when you would be home,” Chris explained.
“You did?”
“Yeah, and Ed was in Martinez and wanted to do something so I made a date with Clay for Sunday night to see ‘Black Flag’, they’re a hardcore punk group. They’re playing at The Stone in the City,” Chris announced.

PHOTO: Black Flag group

I admit I was pretty upset because he was not making time for me throughout this entire weekend. He is supposed to be my best-friend. He made some haphazard statements about having spent a lot of time with me every time he comes down to the Bay Area. I only know that if we are best-friends then we would want to spend time with the “best”. Furthermore, one would make time for whomever we want to make time for! I don’t know this Clay ‘guy’ at all but from what I am hearing he seems to be a ‘bird brain’.

Hell…I still wonder about Chris and whether he can even write a letter. I want to know more about his literary capabilities.
I told him, “Later”.
Chris stated the same word, “Later” and hung up the phone!
I simply hung up the phone in anger. I don't believe he realized my anger.

Chris called me right back to say, “Oh, my mom gave me money and I don’t have to go to Sonoma tomorrow. I can come over around eleven in the morning.”
I was glad. Or was I glad? I think I want our day to be perfect. I want to get lunch together and go with him to Lake Chabot. Perhaps we can even ride a pedal boat together. I plan to surprise him. He did say he was still going to the concert with Clay. I pretended that I understood. He believed that I did not completely understand.
“We will discuss it more tomorrow,” said Chris in his ‘I promise you’ tone.

I tried to nap but instead I ate Doritos, coffee ice-cream and watched ‘Mama’s Family’ and “Silent” something (about the mistreated investigations of molested children). It freaked me out and reminded me of Chris and his stories about Charlie’s father and his own father and other molesting cases he had experienced as a child. It’s too bad. Maybe that is why he is so confused sometimes about our ‘mere friendship’.

Read More

The Chalkboard Lesson II

He was forced to heed his mother's third call.
When she used that tone of voice, it was best to obey.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Kafka's writing attracted little attention until after his death. During his lifetime, he published only a few short stories and never finished any of his novels. Prior to his death, Kafka wrote to his friend and literary executor Max Brod:

"Dearest Max, my last request: Everything I leave behind me ... in the way of diaries, manuscripts, letters (my own and others'), sketches, and so on, are to be burned unread."

Brod overrode Kafka's wishes, believing that Kafka had given these directions to him specifically because Kafka knew he would not honor them—Brod had told him as much.

Kafka’s lover, Dora Diamant, also ignored his wishes, secretly keeping up to 20 notebooks and 35 letters until they were confiscated by the Gestapo in 1933. An ongoing international search is being conducted for these missing Kafka papers.

Brod, in fact, would oversee the publication of most of Kafka's work in his possession, which soon began to attract attention and high critical regard.

During my first evening at the W-Hotel in San Diego (the other night) I wrote more words by Franz Kafka on the chalkboard. Sometimes you have to re-read his words to grasp it all. This time I wrote the following:

“What are lungs supposed to do?”
I shouted. Shouted: “If they breathe fast they suffocate themselves from inner poisons; if they breathe slowly they suffocate from unbreathable air, from outraged things. But if they try to search for their own rhythm they perish from the mere search.”

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 24, 1984
Friday

The telephone rang at precisely 7:10AM. I thought it might be Chris Cordellos but it was mom.
“Where were you last night?” mom asked.
“I was out with Chris, why?” I replied, as it is unusual for her to ask about my whereabouts at such an early hour.
“I am in the hospital,” she said.
I took a deep breath as her words started to sink in. I was just waking up and heard her telling me something about her ‘gall bladder’. I was frightfully worried. I almost wanted to take the day off from work. But then, mom reassured me. What could I do? It seems she was resting today.

When I called Chris from work (on my first break) I told him about my mom.
“I’m coming into The City to see you,” Chris said.
I arranged to meet him in front of Grodins Men’s Store. We grabbed a bite at A&W and ate outside with the ‘bums and pigeons’ near Powell Street. We walked over to put money in his parking meter.
“I’ll be having dinner at my mom’s house,” Chris said.
“Okay, I will call you there after I visit my mom at the hospital.”
After that I returned to work.

I told Bobbie Renbarger that I was not going to Barnaby’s for drinks tonight. When I explained about my mother she was more than understanding.

This morning Linda Nannizzi came close to me and actually talked to me on the BART train. I was surprised. I actually saw her first but I wanted to test her motions. I wanted to see if she would make the first move to approach me. She was cordial. We are friends. As far as anything more…who can tell with a ‘naive nineteen-year old’.

After work I saw Linda again but I did not run up to her as I had done only a week or so ago. The fire has been burnt out.

As soon as I was home I wrote my mom a ‘get well card’, grabbed Helen’s flowers and bought some groceries at Safeway and magazines at Walgreens. Helen Wong got flowers for me to deliver on her behalf. I spoke to Rick at Lucky’s who directed me to a Flower Shop at the South Shore Center.
“Are you John’s brother?” Rick asked.
Rick had nice big arms and was telling me that he and Robert Gaspar (another friend of my brother who worked at Lucky’s) were taking their vacations next week. I began to wonder if they were taking their vacations “together”. Hmmm…very interesting.

I bought mom a dozen peach colored roses. I arrived at Alameda Hospital at 7PM only to learn that she was still in surgery for the gall bladder operation. I left her magazines and flowers and returned home.

I telephoned Chris’ house.
“Oh, Chris called and said he wasn’t coming home tonight for my ravioli because he was with some friends at the Sherman,” Mrs. Cordellos said.
I knew that the Sherman vessel was home ported at the US Coast Guard’s Governor’s Island in Alameda. I imagined Chris was with his friend, Clay, and the rest of the USCG geeks.
“Did Chris make any plans with you?” Mrs. Cordellos asked.
“Well, kind of” I replied, “I am sure he will call me.”
Chris was telling me last night that his mother had asked if he was feeling troubled about me. Ironically, he was feeling troubled because of the way I abruptly got off of phone after he told me Clay was coming over to visit that night. I can still recall saying, “I’ll catch you later.”. Chris confessed that he was tempted to tell his mom about “us” but he refrained. His mother probably knows. Don’t all mothers know?

I just thought of something random. Myra, the one who thought I was about twenty-six years old at that Baxter’s Restaurant and bar had though I was Greek or French. That was funny.

The telephone rang three times tonight. The first time it was Cedric Green. He wanted to go out but I explained about my mom. He was still persistent though. Cedric also started to suggest that we go to Hawaii together in September. Truthfully, I would rather go alone. I did not tell him that, of course. It is how I feel though.

The second phone call was from my brother, Tony. He called to tell me that the doctor called and the operation went fine.
“She’s fine and sleeping soundly and recovering,” Tony said reassuringly.
It was nice to imagine her waking up to my flowers and Helen’s flowers.

The third phone call was from my Dad who called to say a few kind and reassuring words.

It was 9PM and Chris Cordellos still had not called. I wonder. Shit!
I wanted to watch the movie “Oxford Blues” at 10PM. I kept thinking that Chris is such an “asshole” for not calling me. And if (by chance) he did call once his efforts were not good enough, considering I have been here for this long. Now I am tired and feel like napping…but then again, I almost feel like going out. If Chris does not call or come by tonight I am definitely avoiding ‘the sucker’ tomorrow.

Oh hell…Cedric called once again at about 9:15PM. He kept badgering me and finally persuaded me to go out with him and two of his girlfriends tonight. One of the girls he knew from Holy Names College. Apparently, he also went on a trip to Europe with this girl, too. Her name is Norma. The other gal is Christie. Cedric also mentioned the fact that ‘they both have money’. I thought that was a slightly rude statement (as if it mattered).

We arranged to meet by 10PM at Lucky’s parking lot on College Avenue in North Oakland (near Karyn Kossoff’s pad and across the street from the famous Zachary’s Pizza place). I arrived first. Then I noticed another mustang with two girls (Norma and Christine) pull up. Then, Cedric appeared in his car.

I thought Christie was very good-looking at first glance, a blond chick. She reminded me a bit of Tammy Duhr. As I got to know Christie during the night I found her to be really ‘stuck on herself’. She could not make very good conversation. Christie was just plain stupid. She fits the picture of a ‘dumb blond’. I would easily nominate her as ‘Miss Plastic 1985’.

I tried to make the best of the night. I made the big mistake of making it a ‘group effort’ and not taking my car. It did not allow me to leave when I wanted to escape.

We ended up at the ‘Bank Exchange’ and we saw Ruben Ignacio (a former co-worker from the Oakland Residence Account Center). Ruben was with some other Asian friends (a lot of them) who were from the Bay Hill Residence Account Center in San Bruno. I had a fairly good time but it started to get ‘shitty’ when I realized that I was stuck there. I need to be able to leave freely.

Norma was pretty nice, too. She kind of ‘caked on the make-up’ to look like a circus clown. It is very cheap looking if you ask me. I think the two girls are possible lovers of the ‘darker persuasion’. I don’t mean to come across as 'any which way' but those girls were definitely NMT (Not My Type).

I did not get into bed until 3:30AM or so! It was a relief to be home. I cannot believe that they all suggested breakfast at almost 3AM. I just wanted to be home. Home Sweet Home.

Read More

The Chalkboard Lesson

“Why am I doomed to be rejected?
I need answers.”
-John Cusack
as heard in the 2000 film,
“High Fidelity”

While staying at the W-Hotel in San Diego recently I loved how the hotel room had a chalkboard. I had fun writing something new on the board each day and night.
I started to read ‘The Complete Stories” by Franz Kafka, so I decided to write some excerpts of his words on the chalkboard. It would be our lesson for the day. It is a good way to re-read some of his words for new found significance.

John Updike wrote that ‘Kafka and Shakespeare have this in common: their reputations rest principally on texts they never approved or proofread.’

Here is one excerpt by Kafka that I wrote on the chalkboard:

At length his eyesight begins to fail, and he does not know whether the world is really darker or whether his eyes are only deceiving him.

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 23, 1984
Thursday

Oh well…it is another day at the Training Center. It was not really so bad. Bobbie Renberger and Barbara Reynolds helped to make it so much more bearable for me.
Yesterday, Barbara had told me that the quiet hour service for our ex-tub mate, Randy Evans was between 7 o’clock and 8 o’clock. I was very glad of that fact because I knew I could make it for his memorial.

I recognized a few people from the office while at the memorial but only managed to exchange a few words with Robert Parks, Pat Overshoun and Barbara Reynolds. It is so shocking. And the realization that ‘life is so short’ makes my heart grow fonder for all of my friends and family.

Today I telephoned Chris Cordellos…or NO! He telephoned me when I arrived home.
“I had an okay time last night. I met Clay’s folks who were visiting,” Chris said.
"Whatever," I thought silently and refrained from saying aloud.
“I’ll meet you at Baxter’s in Concord between 8:30 and 9:00 if you want,” I said, figuring I would just let the recent events go.

Just before I left for Randy’s memorial service Suzy Miller called me. She wanted to invite me on an outing to MACY’s with her. I explained about the quiet service and she understood. I went on to inform her that I stopped by her apartment yesterday. She gave no reasonable explanation as to her whereabouts (not that she had to).

I drove out to Baxter’s in Concord and some chick named Diane Landers came up to me.
“Are you alone?” she asked.
“Well, I’m waiting for a friend of mine,” I replied.
“Why don’t you join me and my friends?”
I sat and talked to them. They were all pretty nice. Diane Landers is going to Sacramento State, studying Fashion Merchandising. She wants to open a shop on Rodeo Drive. She is not too together…but who knows? If she is successful one day it will be good for her. Her friends (Cathy, Carol and Joyce) were not “lookers” but they were okay to talk to for a while.

Chris Cordellos finally came in at around nine o’clock. I introduced him to the ‘geeky’ chicks. He felt uncomfortable and did not like the vibes of the place. I was relaxed and did not mind being in a ‘straight place’ at all. I went along with having a good time after only one Long Island Iced-Tea. I treated Chris to a drink. At one point he was going to leave but decided to return.

While at Baxter’s I noticed Katie Jones’ girlfriends (Karen Dagg and Myra Dini) who were with a new gal named Sharon ‘something’. Chris liked Karen but came to the conclusion that she was ‘stuck up’. He made no real effort to talk to her, so I could not understand how he could say that. I don’t know but I did see his point. I talked to her and she seemed ‘okay’. Myra thought I was about twenty-six years old. Wow…a year before my time.
“So where is Katie?” I asked.
"We can't answer for her," said one of the girls.
“She is only nineteen,” Myra blurted. So that explained a few things (like my ‘naive nineteen’ philosophy).
Chris and I finally decided to ‘blow this Popsicle stand’ while Myra and Karen were out on the dance floor with two other fellows.

Chris and I talked in my car about our relationship.
“Yeah, I met a dude named Ron at Sun Valley Mall and he came to my house,” Chris revealed, “but nothing happened.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, but Ron wanted something to happen. You know I love you,” Chris announced.
“Me too.”
“I just want to play it cool in terms of making love,” said Chris.
I understood his point to a certain extent. I could relate and I agreed with the idea of 'playing it cool' for a while. I drove him to where his car was parked.
“Oh yea, my folks invited you for brunch this Sunday!”
“That’s nice,” I said.
I was home in Alameda by one o’clock in the morning.

Read More

Chances Are...

The chance factor in life is mind boggling.
-Woody Allen
as heard while watching his 2009 film “Whatever Works”

My DNA cousin, John E Spencer, of San Francisco sent me the Johnny Mathis GOLD 50th Anniversary Celebration CD for my birthday. For the last month or so I have been listening to the first two tunes (Chances Are & Wonderful! Wonderful!) because they equate to a total of 5 minutes and 51 seconds.

Each night before bedtime and ‘in the morning’ before getting up out of bed I play the two tunes while I go into the YOGA child’s pose. It helps me to sleep and to gradually begin my day.

I was told by an authoritative person in the meditation/fitness field that by doing child’s pose every night and every morning (for 5 minutes) it will help.
It works (for me).

I really like the CHANCES ARE song, too. Listen:
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=chances+are&docid=1042086298333&mid=16449FEBA86969B11D4816449FEBA86969B11D48&FORM=VIVR24#

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 22, 1984
Wednesday

My morning went well. I completed my last role play assignment case and did very well. I spent the latter part of the day doing puzzles and such.
For lunch we all ate at The Victorian and I had one and a half Long Island Iced-Teas. We were going to meet at ‘Raggs’ afterwards but I ceded to make a run for it and meet my appointment with Barbara at the Women’s Feminine Health Center.

I also telephoned Chris Cordellos on my last break to see what was happening tonight.
“Clay is coming over. If he doesn’t come over, do you want me to call you?” Chris asked.
What an asshole!
I think I said, “Yeah, I’ll catch ya later!”
I don’t intend on calling him again. I used to think I was on the top of his priority list in terms of friends and ‘spending time’ but I can see he wants to lower himself to another extreme this time. I am being very objective after what he said last night (about seeing other people and not feeling any guilt on each others’ part).

I made my minor donation at the Sperm Bank today. After being drained last night there wasn’t likely very high volume today (I don’t think).

When I arrived home I telephoned Linda Nannizzi. I was pleased when she answered the phone.
“Hi, do you want to go bike riding?” I asked sweetly.
“Well, I was just leaving to a movie,” Linda replied.
“Oh, well how about we go out this Saturday?”
“I’m going camping this weekend.”
“How about going out the next weekend?”
“That would probably be okay.”
She was so uncooperative in her speech.
“If I am badgering you…tell me,” I said sternly.
“Well, I’m sort of getting back together with my other boyfriend.”
Needless to say, it was another fantastic, thrilling moment in my day to hear that!

I think Linda's being ‘naive at nineteen’ and my being twenty-five and perhaps her Dad may have influenced her decision to try to avoid me. I got the feeling by getting her home at 2AM on Friday night did not help matters. Oh well, it’s just as well. She is not for me.

I cannot believe I was actually considering Linda ‘marriage material’ so soon in our 'whatever it was'. She is definitely NOT. I don’t really want that ‘tied down’ commitment anyway. Now…do I?

I went bicycling from 6:30PM until 8PM. It was a good way to relieve any anxieties I might be holding within. Once I returned home I telephone Karyn Kossoff. We had a wonderful talk. I enjoy talking to her. We had a good ‘one on one’ conversation about one another and the direction we are heading.
“I want to spend more time with you,” Karyn said.
I don’t because I don’t want a relationship right now with someone I work with day in and day out. Or do I? Through my eyes I wish to think of her only as a friend. It is a ‘one way street’. She is on the ‘one way street’ and I am yielding before the falling rock and at the same time avoiding the ‘slippery when wet’ roads.

I had a nutritious meal for dinner (steamed broccoli, a bag of Doritos and water).

While riding my bike I saw Steve Gaster. We talked for a short while. I stopped by Suzy Miller’s apartment but she was not at home.

I have a feeling Chris and his pal, Clay are at “The Hub” bar in Walnut Creek. Grody! I hate that place.

Read More

No Matter What

There was no inviting the hurt
he knew would only be inevitable.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Have you ever heard of “Boy Zone”?
No, it’s not a place where only boys hang out in cyberspace. It is the name of a boy band from IRELAND that had popular mainstream success in the 1990’s. They were most successful in The Republic of Ireland, Australia, Asia and the UK. The band has released six #1 UK hit singles and four #1 albums, with sales approaching 20 million records as of 2008.

There was a song that they released in August 1998 that I heard about from my mother. It is called “No Matter What”. I don’t know if I introduced her to the song or if my niece, Ashley, did (she was very into ‘Boy Bands’ at this time).

When my mother passed away in January 2000 the tune was played at her memorial service. It has a lot of sentimental value for me. It is also a wonderful song. It is time to share it here on my BLOG.

PHOTO: Virginia Marie Armijo, 1956

Here are the lyrics to the 'NO MATTER WHAT' song (and a video LINK of them performing the tune if you care to listen):
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=no+matter+what%2C+boyzone&first=61&docid=1043954401641&mid=70379610B4B9891660DF70379610B4B9891660DF&FORM=VIVR36#

Chorus:
No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true
---------------------------------
No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

Chorus

And I will keep you safe and strong
And shelter from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born
No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need
No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now
No matter what

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 21, 1984
Tuesday

Training seemed to be another ‘wasted day’. Most of us had to wait around for our individual reviews for our role plays.

At lunchtime Barbara Reynolds and enjoyed Chinese food at the Galleria. We bumped into Teri Milham, a real ‘wench’ of an Assistant Manager that we used to know from Downtown Oakland. She was always so unpleasant towards me.

After work I came home and Chris was not there. He did telephone with his reasons.
“I’ll be right over after my Dad comes over. He wants to show me his new car, a 1971 red SAAB,” said Chris.

I happened to be talking to the geek (Bruce) when Chris rang the doorbell. Chris and I were happy to see one another after so long. He took me for a ride in his neat, classic looking car. It only cost him $800. It does have a look (very ‘77 Sunset Strip’).

We had a drink at Croll’s for old times’ sake. Chris started to talk all about this new guy he had met named Grant.
“I’m just not sure what to do with you hanging over my mind all of the time,” Chris said matter-of-factly.
He was being open about it all at least.
“Do whatever feels right and don’t worry,” I said directly.

We returned to my pad and ‘reunited and such’. It is clear to me that Chris seems to feel we both want to go out with other people. Linda Nannizzi is proof of the pudding (on my part). Now that he is on vacation his promiscuous talk kind of worries me. I must be very wary of that fact.
“Call me around six o’clock tomorrow,” Chris said before he left.

I really don’t think I can call right at that exact time. I will call him when I get home. I refuse to be the aggressor ‘on his tail’. He may call me as much as he wants. It will inform me as to exactly how much time he really wants to spend with me (on his vacation). It is funny. I am on the last page of this journal book. Now that I am coming to the last page it is also like closure of a key relationship.

I must remember what Chris did say.
“We are ‘and know’ we will always be friends,” Chris had said.
I enjoyed being with him tonight but then again something grosses me out about him—in a way. I don’t like the looks of it.

I telephoned Karyn Kossoff to make sure she was watching ’79 Park Avenue’. She is such a nice gal. I respect and love her companionship.

Chris is overly anxious to go out. And “shit”, he said he planned to go to that bar, “The Hub”, in Walnut Creek. I refused to say a word when he told me of his plans to go there. His ‘open, gay attitude’ is making me like him less and less in terms of anything more than friends.

Linda Nannizzi is definitely marriage material but I do need to get to know her ‘deep down’ a lot better. She has not opened up enough to me about her actual self, her likes, dislikes, thoughts and feelings. I want to know her better. As far as marriage goes…I am not even sure if I really want to go there yet (now or ever for that matter).

All I know is that I forecast Chris and I coming to a close; however, we will remain good chums. I, at least, want to be. I guess it’s a matter of him wanting to make time for me and vice-versa. I know he wants to explore. He said it ‘point blank’. If this is the case I intend to close his chapter very soon! I do intend on keeping tabs with him. Tomorrow he is arranging a portfolio shooting with his mom’s friend who used to own an agency of some kind.

I love Leslie Ann Warren as I watched her in ’79 Park Avenue’ again. I want a beautiful relationship and possibly a family one day. I believe the idea of that will always be in the back of my mind. I do know that ‘no matter what’…I am and ‘always will be’ a Happy Man.

Bobbie Renbarger is one really nice lady at work. She is in her late thirties. I know she has never been married. She’s a lot of fun though. I am glad she is my friend. I wrote her a thoughtful letter today. She wrote me a poetic letter that I shall treasure as well.

Read More